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Restraining order on son’s ex girlfriend?

Mellie555 · 17/07/2022 18:06

My nearly 21 yr old son was in a toxic relationship for 2 yrs, which ended last Oct.

the girlfriend was, sadly, a very messed up young girl, with a high functioning alcoholic mother. The girl was very jealous, controlling and highly emotional. I picked her up from the floor, very literally, many times when she was sobbing about how awful her mother was to her. Her father was pretty useless and declined to do anything to help the relationship with her mother.

Anyway, the relationship between her and my son ended several months ago but she has been vile to him ever since. Her and her friends post deeply distressing videos about him on Tik tok, primarily about the fact he ‘hasn’t got’ a dad. Things such as ‘he’s such a loser even his own dad doesn’t like him’ and deeply offensive messages about his looks (which is ridiculous as he’s a extremely good looking young man).

The social media posts keep escalating, to the point where, although he has blocked her on everything, her and her friends Create new social media accounts just to taunt and message him. She even worked out the password for one of his social media accounts and deleted it entirely; 7 years of his memories and photos on there completely erased. He was devastated that someone could be so cruel.

he keeps getting phone calls from various numbers throughout the night; usually from her friends (with her voice in the background) mocking and abusing him. On Friday night, they created a new Instagram account and kept calling him and leaving voice notes, again primarily knocking him about his dad (his dad is useless and hasn’t been in his life for many years but he has struggled with that and has been having therapy for a couple years, which she knows about and at the time supported him with)

The mocking about his father I.e ‘he doesn’t love you’ etc has made him feel extremely low and, now, extremely angry. The harassment is relentless.

I’ve suggested to him that I contact her/her parents to tell her to stop but he doesn’t want me to, as he thinks they won’t listen and therefore the abuse will
get even worse once they find out.

the only other suggestion I have is that he does a ‘non molestation (restraining) order against her. He’s not super keen on doing that either but I’m worried this abuse is going to make him do something stupid eventually, as he’s at an all time low. Also, she is studying law at Uni and I would assume her getting a restraining order would mean she could never practice in law ever again.

Any suggestions how to tackle this would be welcome. Also, how to convince him that taking action is the right thing to do

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HardRockOwl · 17/07/2022 18:23

Id be going to the police first off. This is harassment and she needs to be stopped

As to how you convince him.. just tell him it's your job as his parent to make sure he is safe in as far as you can and that's what you intend to do. Safe means both physically and emotionally so.

Tell him you can't stand by and watch this and maybe consider saying that if he makes a stand now, he may feel stronger in time as he's proving to himself that no, he won't be pushed around by this horrible young woman. It will ultimately boost his self esteem. We don't let bullies win do we?

He's also potentially saving her next victim from all of this.

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HardRockOwl · 17/07/2022 18:25

And he's only 20, so although an adult, they still need a lot of support. My eldest is 24 this year (and ironically a police officer!) and I am still having to give her lots of advice and support about various things

If my son was so low about all of this, I wouldn't be able to rest until this girl was stopped. And yep - it's quite simple to stop her. Just takes some bravery from your son.

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