Mental abuse from daughter

[Will58]

My 25 year old daughter suffers from multiple disabilities and lives at home. There are a lot of things she can do and equally she can't/,won't do. She's depressed and is very vocal )only towards me though)
Years of being called useless, fat, choice swear names starting with f and c.
She.

I,"m at the end of my tether. She kicks off wen I go to work and I'm not allowed out socially. My husbands and relationship is strained. We had booked an evening out a while ago. But she came out of hospital on Wed is horrified and disgusted that I'm still thinking of going out as she still a bit shaky. She is crying that I cause her stress
Don't know wot to do. I'm always stuck in middle.

[bloomflower]

OP you don't need to put up with abuse from anyone. Could she live elsewhere with support from carers?

[kewgirl]

I do not care how disabled she is she has no right to talk to you like that and ruin your marriage
She is playing on the fact she is disabled to you will put up with it
I would pack her bags and tell her to go to the LA and tell them she is homeless
They have to find her a place to live

[Billybagpuss]

What will happen if you just go? Will she be safe? Yes you are her carer but you don’t have to put up with that.

it’s going to be tough and don’t dismiss the suggestions by the other pp about living elsewhere with carers but you need to implement your own boundaries, every time she is verbally abusive to you, simply say I won’t be spoken to like that and remove yourself from her, either go out or go somewhere else. Do not cancel your evening out, just go and enjoy yourself, she knows she can manipulate you so that is what she’s doing.

[Billybagpuss]

And start making regular social engagements, if you are going to look after her you need respite. Keep it so it’s consistent the same time every week. You need to look after you first so you have the strength to look after her. Be strong 💐

[AnneLovesGilbert]

That’s so so awful. Life is short and yours sounds like it’s being ruined by her abuse and control. There is no excuse or justification for the way she speaks to you. None.

What will she do if you and DH go out for the night? Do you ever just go anyway?

[ItWillBeOkHonestly]

Ok, if your DH did this, called you names and restricted your movements, you'd be classed as being in a coercive/controlling relationship. This is no different.
Have you involved social services? Perhaps it's time for her to go into supported housing!

[Will58]

This year I had decided enough was enough and hubby and I started going out one weekend a month, bought a tent and left her on her own and although she's been fine, I have to put up with her moaning afterwards. This weekend was planned weeks ago. Out this evening and out for the day tomorrow with elderly aunt.
My daughter is fuming and says I'm selfish as she only came out of hospital 2 days ago and is still very weak and can I wait till she's better.
She claims I'm using her gf as a baby sitter as she has to come over when I go out. I don't think I am selfish at all.


.

[Rinatinabina]

Can she move into some sort of supported accommodation? What was she like in hospital? Was she happy to manage without you?

[HollowTalk]

She's abusing you in your own home. I'm amazed she has a girlfriend - is she different with her?

It's definitely time she moved out. You and your husband need to present a united front as it won't be an easy conversation, but it really is time she left.

[gelert5619]

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. Please check your local council website under 'Carers', I did this and got advice and support. Also, check out any organisations related to your daughter's disabilities. You need to learn how to 'detach emotionally with love', otherwise your will crack as you seem to be doing already. I can't imagine how tough this is for you. Thinking of you and hope you get the support you need.

[Will58]

She didn't have a choice but to manage as the ward was shut due to covid which she caught. I also had covid.
The staff looked after her and she would never go against in authority. Just me cos I'm not worthy.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Are you considering asking her to move out? Would your DH agree? You seem clear it’s unacceptable and your life is being blighted by her anger and resentment of you.