20 yo son sailed through life up to about age 14. Happy, sporty, creative, artistic, academic. He was the most playful and enthusiastic kid I knew and said yes to everything - performed on stage in lead roles, played drums, did about 6 sports, representing the school in 3, played inter-county chess, read 4 books a week, wrote stories, created content online - one video has had over a million views. Was tipped for Oxbridge from year 6. I often wondered about ADHD as he was the energiser bunny but school said no way. At 14 his mood started dropping. We thought puberty/hormones etc. He dropped out of a few things. We thought no worries he's focusing on GCSEs. He told us he was depressed and we took him to the GP who prescribed antidepressants which seemed not to do much. Also had 6 sessions of CBT but they said he was already doing all the things they advised - was still active, was eating well, was getting enough sleep, had no negative thoughts apart from 'I feel shit'. Did ok in GCSEs but nothing like he was prediced at 11/12 - but enough to go onto A Level in 3 tough subjects. (His choice, we never pushed him).
Then the pandemic hit and we went into lockdown. His mood lifted. His school were crap and there were no lessons online for 5 months. He was totaly fine with that. Stopped taking meds and had a great lockdown. Missed A Levels. Was given better grades than I think was realistic as school still saw him as this superbright hard working kid which he had not been for a long time, But Pandemic masked that. Then went to Uni. Was diagnosed ADHD and depression by adult mental health. Put on meds for both. Hates Uni and has come home for the summer not sure if he's going back. He'd have to resit loads of exams if he returns. But has no other plans for his life at all. I run my own company and have offered him 3 jobs but he lasted 2 days in one of them and said no to the other 2. He says he's 'unemployable' as he can't cope with being told what to do. He says he wants to run his own bar but has not ever even got a bar job. He once said he wanted to create content for a hobby and hopefukky make a bit of money on it - paired up with amother content creator and they did well. His videos were brilliant - very funny. But he rapidly lost interest and does not even do it as a hobby anymore. He has never had a job. He denies drugs and there's no evidence he's on drugs but he does drink too much and gambles. He says he's not depressed anymore - because no one is telling him what to do. He is polite, well mannered, helpful round the house and has lots of friends. But he also comes home falling down drunk or not at all sometimes. I veer from thinking he needs to grow up and accept some responsibility, to thinking he's young, been through a very weird 3 years and is just taking his time figuring stuff out to thinking he's clearly truggling, has mental health issues, neuro-developmental issues and he needs help. But what kind of help!