I want my life back

[Kiki105]

Let me start by saying I love my DD and DS, 18 and 20 but oh my they drive me nuts with their lazy attitudes and treating my house like a hotel. I've tried all the tricks to get them to help around the house but it's just so exhausting. They both work full time now, as do I. The thing is...I can't help but wish how nice it would be to just have the place to myself (single mum). I'm sure we'd all get on better, we'd have stuff to talk about when we see each other rather than them just grunting at me in disgust like they do most days. Does anyone else have these thoughts or is it just me?

So tell them it's time they learned to run their own households, they're not pulling their weight so give them notice.

If they both work start charging them much higher rent so that a) you can pay for a twice weekly cleaner and b) they are incentivised to move out. Don't ever do their laundry and only cook for them when it's discussed in advance

Tell them to change their ways or leave, simple.

This

My son does his own laundry, although I have to remind him to bring it in off the line! He will change his bed sheets if I ask. He stays up too late and then struggled to get up for work - drives me nuts. My DD is the one that tries to push the boundaries, two months rent free but says she'll start paying in July. Came home today to a sink stained with tinned Ravioli because she hadn't washed it away. I had to scrub and bleach the sink!! She refuses point blank to help.

But it's not 'helping' - they all live there so it's all your home. All 3 adults need to support each other. They are operating in 'child' mode, whereas you want to be in 'adult adult' mode with them.
I think you need a house meeting and carve up the chores.

They are much too old to be grunting in disgust at you. Id be reading the riot act if DS behaved like that.

Yes, I agree that they need to pay significantly more or move out. It sounds like they're still living like teenagers; all the perks of a full time wage with none of the responsibility. They need to know that you are their mother, not their skivvy and you've well and truly seved your time picking up after them when they were too young to do it themselves.

Would they get a place together maybe to share the cost?

This is a common complaint.
I have a friend with similar aged kids. They do NOTHING.
You know why? Because it has never been expected of them growing up.
I feel very sorry for their future partners, they are being sent into adult life not knowing how any appliances work except maybe the hoover, and even then they refuse to do that!
Have your children ever helped or been expected to?

Have you actually sat them down and explained that they are making your life miserable? As in properly told them how leaving mess, being rude, refusing to pull their weight is making you feel? Do they understand that they are choosing to make your life more unpleasant in return for your love and support? I think sometimes teens/kids in general get so used to their parents 'existing' that they forget that behind the 'nagging' is a real person who has feelings that can be badly hurt when they're taken for granted.

My DD isn't so bad. He pays me reasonable rent, will do jobs but it's the fact I always have to ask. My daughter is the one that is bone idle and horrible to me. My point is...am I wrong to be wishing my kids would just move out. I want to be on my own.

I know it's hard but just stop doing stuff for them. I know that's easier said than done if they leave a stain or something but they are taking the piss.

Start taking time for yourself and change the dynamic from parent and children.
I'm sure they expect to be treated like adults in every other aspect of their lives so it applies to household chores and respect for you too.

Sorry, my DS isn't so bad it's my 18 YO DD that's the problem. Rude, ungrateful and lazy.

Do they understand that all the reasonable expectations you have will also be expected from them in a flat share or rented room when they get kicked out for being selfish and ungrateful?

You've got to put some firm boundaries in place here, and fast. It's very, very difficult when a you g adult child isn't behaving respectfully of their own accord, and you have to demand it. But you must. For your sake and theirs.

“She refuses point blank to help.“
Then she’d better get her bags packed, since you’re about to refuse point blank to house her. Ok, maybe not, but it really is time to sit the pair of them down and lay it all out to them. ‘Childhood is over, time to shape up as adults or ship out!’ Give them a deadline and stick to it.

My DD's work hours cross over with mine and I hardly see her. She is so disinterested in what I have to say and refuses to talk with me most of the time. We communicate better by text, crazy I know!

Sorry why are you putting up with this.

There were conditions to me living at home when I started earning.

Options were as follows:-

1. Free rent & what that involved
2. Discounted rent & what was expected for that
3. Market rent & what cause that
4. Above market rent which would only be charge with a 3 month eviction notice

My parent set it out is a joking manner but there was a understand that it would apply if I caused hassle.

We settled on number 2.

Stop making it too easy for them to have it their way and not yours.

All the rent paid by me was returned when I was moving out to help with a deposit etc. but my parents never told me that until I was moving out!

You said your son does his own laundry but does that mean you do your daughter’s?! Please stop that! I agree, an adult-to-adult discussion is what is needed to get them to give you some respect.

This is what I dream of being able to do for my kids; hopefully we will be well-off enough!

I would love to save my kids rent and return it to them one day but with a massive divorce legal bill still to pay off and a mortgage to pay I can't afford to save their money unfortunately.