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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Heartbroken

2 replies

Midpointmrs · 18/05/2022 20:01

My son is 20 and seeing a girl who is 27 with 2 kids. He's not coming home and spends all his time at the pub, which she also seems to do despite having kids, she has a stepdad who lives with her who apparently looks after her kids while she's there. Her ex until recently has been living there too and has just left since she's got with my son. He's staying out all night and sometimes not coming home, not telling us, not eating, and I know he's 20 and an "adult" but I feel like he's being disrespectful of our family and putting his job and health at risk. We've always been close but I feel like I'm losing him. Last night we had a row about it and I've not seen him, he went to the pub before I got home from work and hasn't called or text. I'm really struggling with this whole change of demeanour and attitude, I'm not doing well with the whole situation and as my 1st child not experienced this before, some advise would be appreciated, I don't want to keep pushing and lose him completely

OP posts:
onlymyselftoanswerto1 · 20/05/2022 21:56

Op this could've been me and my son a few years ago ( apart from the gf situation) unfortunately he is an adult and there's not a lot you can do apart from let him know you love him and you're always there for him - but at 20 if he wants to live like that he should be doing it in a house/flat of his own. I know it will feel like you are kicking him out but if he doesn't respect your rules then that's the consequences.

He is probably still trying to find his place in the world but that doesn't mean he can treat everyone in his house like rubbish. My boy came back to me, it took a lot of patience and self control for me to not keep trying to fix him/things for him and now we're close again although he no longer lives here and that works for us both (I really miss him tho)

Hope your boy has been in touch. Parenting adults is so hard. Flowers

princessjonsie1967 · 28/06/2022 20:43

Oh my darling I feel your pain . It’s always been me and myDS against the world but when he turned 21 it’s like I can’t do anything right . I’m dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t . Only light is I’m the first call if he is in trouble. .Only way I navigate it is to carry on my life and let them make their own mistakes. Be there when they fall and pick them back up . You won’t get any gratitude for it but at least you can hold your head high and say your doing your best . Good luck and your in my thoughts xx

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