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Parents of adult children

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Adult children becoming increasingly hostile

23 replies

Brokenwings1 · 17/05/2022 20:23

My adult children, who's age ranges are early-twenties to late-twenties, seem to be becoming increasingly hostile as time goes by. They are still living at home and have practically taken over the whole house.
When they were young, even when they were teenagers, we used to get on really well and go out and about a lot, but not anymore, they're not interested. They are really changing as they get older and I don't feel I barely know them anymore. I do know that is natural and to be expected, but I don't understand their hostility. Even when they are nice it seems like they are just taking the p*ss and it's not genuine, just sarcastic. I really feel like just packing and leaving. In fact, I have already started packing today.
I know that I am supposed to be the parent and they are the children. However, they are stronger than me and they club together and become even stronger, so that I don't stand a chance. I don't have a say in what goes on in our home and am spoken to like a child. If I don't constantly 'toe the line' there is trouble including being shouted at and derogatory remarks. I love them very much but I'm not sure I even like them anymore.
It gets worse with every passing year and my confidence is at an all time low.
I even gave up work due to exhaustion, so we will begin to suffer financially in the near future.
Any advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
Arenanewbie · 17/05/2022 20:25

They fed up with the set up and needs to move out. Is it possible?

DowntonCrabby · 17/05/2022 20:27

Kick them all the absolute fuck out. How disrespectful! Living at home as an adult is a privilege they clearly don’t deserve, it involves everyone acting like the adults they are, not overgrown teenagers treating their DM like shit.
Flowers OP
It’s your home, do not leave!

Bananalanacake · 17/05/2022 20:27

Do they pay towards bills and food, do they contribute towards housework and cooking meals.

SpindleInTheWind · 17/05/2022 20:28

Are you the only adult in the house other than your adult DC? Just trying to get a picture of whether you have any support there or not.

Basilbrushgotfat · 17/05/2022 20:28

DowntonCrabby · 17/05/2022 20:27

Kick them all the absolute fuck out. How disrespectful! Living at home as an adult is a privilege they clearly don’t deserve, it involves everyone acting like the adults they are, not overgrown teenagers treating their DM like shit.
Flowers OP
It’s your home, do not leave!

Absolutely this

Badlifeday · 17/05/2022 20:29

good grief. How are they treating you like this in your own home? Are you the only parent there? It sounds like they are taking over! Is their continued stay at home due to finances and are they ever planning on moving out?
I think I would have been hostile with my parents if I'd stayed at home in my 20s as I needed the independence of adulthood and parents are a reminder of all your lack of experience.
You sound very brow beaten. I would see your GP to rule out physical causes of exhaustion. Talk to him/her about what's going on in your life. If you are too young to retire you need to set a date to get back into work - don't end up dependent on the money your dc are bringing in! Talk to them individually (so they can't gang up) either about how to live happily alongside eachother OR to arrange a timeline for them to leave.

BingeBitch · 17/05/2022 20:30

If they’re old enough to bully and abuse their mum they’re old enough to make it in the real world. Give them the boot.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/05/2022 20:33

Boot them out already.

SpaceshiptoMars · 17/05/2022 20:33

Do you own the home or is it rented?

Drastic action is needed. Sell or move.

Bananalanacake · 17/05/2022 20:42

I note how you say 'I gave up work,, so WE will suffer financially' What? don't they work and pay their own way. They need to pay board or find a house share.

SpaceshiptoMars · 17/05/2022 20:47

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/05/2022 20:33

Boot them out already.

Practically speaking, how would you go about that? One, yes, but three or four together? If the place is rented, it would be so much easier to transfer the tenancy and just leave!

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 17/05/2022 20:50

What exactly is going on? It's a bit hard to give specific advice, your post is a bit vague.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/05/2022 20:53

If the place is rented, it would be so much easier to transfer the tenancy and just leave!

I highly doubt the landlord would be amenable to that.

And as for booting them out, I would start by telling them it is time to leave. If that didn't work I would set about moving to a small flat and either end the tenancy or sell the property. I definitely wouldn't leave them in possession of a house for which I was liable.

SpindleInTheWind · 17/05/2022 20:55

Sometimes the easiest solution is for the parent to say they're downsizing and moving day is on the 30th of Whatever Month and they'll have to have sorted themselves out somewhere else by then.

SpaceshiptoMars · 17/05/2022 20:57

Hmm, maybe point out that you are now too ill to work, so you need to move to a tiny place to be eligible for benefits.

@Brokenwings1 Seriously, what would happen if you dropped dead tomorrow? What would the little darlings do?

DaftyLass · 17/05/2022 21:00

They need to move out, now.
You need to get some therapy, as soon as able, to figure out how it got like this and how to stop it ever happening again

Georgeskitchen · 17/05/2022 21:13

Give them all one month's notice to find their own accommodation. Do you have a partner or a close friend or relative who can be with you to make sure they don't bully you into silence?

SpaceshiptoMars · 17/05/2022 21:17

Sounds like there are enough of them for them to rent a flat together....

2bazookas · 17/05/2022 21:17

Sell the house and buy yourself a nice flat.
Or if its rented, give notice to landlord and rent a nice flat

Leave the kids to fend for themselves.

MrsJorahMormont · 17/05/2022 21:23

Yeah you need to tell them to pack their bags and good luck in the adult world.

MrsJorahMormont · 20/05/2022 19:39

How are you OP?

moggiek · 20/05/2022 19:39

Are you afraid of them?

Crazykatie · 20/05/2022 19:46

2bazookas · 17/05/2022 21:17

Sell the house and buy yourself a nice flat.
Or if its rented, give notice to landlord and rent a nice flat

Leave the kids to fend for themselves.

Im afraid this is your best option if they gang up on you, they think they are entitled time to let them know they aren’t.

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