I have name changed as a lot of our family is on here
I wasn't quite sure whether to post this under Mental Health/SN but as he's an adult, I figured this was the best place!
Ds is 21 this year. As he has got older, his 'differences' have become more pronounced. He has an official diagnosis of major depression with psychosis and takes both anti depressants and anti psychotics. He used to self harm a lot and the medication has largely dealt with this. There is a long family history of bipolar disorder and we suspect at some point, maybe when he's a bit older, that this is where his diagnosis may sit. For now, we are just pleased his symptoms are being managed.
He is a very bright boy which is part of the problem because he constantly has ludicrously high expectations of himself which he can't always meet. He went for the hardest university to get into with his grades and got in and now has to work incredibly hard just to manage to keep up with the course. We tried to persuade him to take a slightly easier option but he was having none of it.
He has spent 2 years living in residence and now needs to find somewhere outside but he has no real life friends as his first year was the lockdown year so he had no fresher's week and he's not outgoing. He also comes across as 'different'. I don't mean that in a nasty way but if you met him, you'd immediately know there was something wrong with him. He doesn't engage properly, if he doesn't want to talk to you, he won't. He came home this weekend and had a big family lunch with us all but refused to look up from the table and when I asked him not to be on his phone (we have a no phones at the table rule), he snarled at me and just carried on.
It might sound like he's rude but it's almost as though as he's got older, he's got worse at fitting in. At school, there were expectations of him and I think the stress of making himself fit in is one of the things that caused the self harming. He is now happy with this introverted life where he has little contact with others.
My big problem is what he is going to do about work. At school they had a work experience thing but nowhere would accept him so eventually he came to my work. He lasted 2 days and never came back. He got so wound up he almost ended in crisis mode. He's never had a job since then and I have no idea how he will get one. There is no way he could even interview - the stress of it would tip him over the edge and then if he didn't get something when he really wanted to, it would cause a major problem.
He refuses to get assessed. The university disability team did an assessment because they realised he had issues but of course, I'm not allowed to know what they said. What I do know is he is now marked down as disabled and has the option of one to one support, which he refuses to access. I am the emergency contact with his psychiatrist - I saw him a few months ago and they tell me how delighted they are with his progress (that's all they can say). I think from their perspective, he's not in hospital, he's getting on with his life, he's had no major crises for a while and the medication appears to be controlling the worst of his symptoms and in their eyes that's a win. And they are right but I am still financially supporting him and I don't know what the next step for him would be because I don't think he would be able to step out into an independent life.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has an adult child with severe mental health problems and how they are coping.