Relationship with dd

[Pentiumgold]

Hi, am at breaking point, my dd 22 has suffered for many years with MH issues. I've always stood by her whilst many of my friends thought she was abusing my good nature.
She came back from uni today in a bad and demanding mood. She's stressed about not being able to find a job after her finals this year.
I patiently sat with her for over an hour discussing and researching options.
She still wasn't happy and said I was a useless mother and could I take her back to the station.
I said no as I'd had some wine, she then called me an alcoholic, pulled my hair and hit my face.
My husband is now driving her to the station. I feel so sad.

I am so sorry this happened to you. This is abuse and is absolutely not your fault. She needs to address her behaviour and truth be told, if this is how she behaves, she probably won't be able to find (or keep) a job. This is all on her though.

It is expected you will feel sad. You cannot tolerate her behaviour. You cannot. You could report her to the police for abuse, but suspect you won't want to. But please distance yourself from her and set some boundaries to protect yourself. Her behaviour is unacceptable.

OP, she's 22. She's a grown adult who left home at least three years ago. The time has come to let her stand on her own.

She may surprise herself. But you should communicate with her - email, WhatsApp, whatever she uses,and make it clear that her behaviour was unacceptable and that she won't be welcome again until she apologised and can agree to behave like a civilised human being.

It's time to put yourself first.

Thanks both, I do really worry that she won't even be able to get a job as she has no experience. That will mean she'll want to come and live back at home.

You’re a great mum standing by her and supporting her but she can’t treat you thag way.
She can’t lash out and hurt you when she doesn’t like the answer you’re providing. I agree with pp, I would reach out to her via WhatsApp or a text and explain her behaviour was not on and will not be accepted anymore.
You will support her but violence and aggression needs to stop. Also explain if she carries on like this then she will not be welcome home.
You need to be strong with her and set boundaries. She is an adult now and I understand she has mental health problems but she need to find a way of stopping herself from hurting you. She’s now about to enter the world where she is not always going to get the answer she wants and she will need to find coping strategies to help deal with that.

She would be better trying to find a part time job to gain experience of working which will help her when applying for a full time job.

Thank you, I messaged her today to explain this, she's read message but not responding

That’s dreadful behaviour from your dd. Did your H say anything to her?

This woman is an adult and doesn’t need things explaining to her. What she needs is consequences. The consequences for violently assaulting you should be severe.

I'm assuming she has managed to avoid assaulting uni friends and other family members who have turned down her requests for things. Therefore she is capable of controlling herself and the only reason she lashed out is because she feels you will let her get away with it. Her mental health issues are no excuse and I'm afraid your friends are correct. She has forfeited the right to visit your home until she apologises and understands that any future abuse will result in the police being called. It is doing her no favours to think she can physically attack the person who has been her biggest supporter. Without respect you won't be able to give her the help she needs, because she will only be interested in you giving in to her. Treat her like a proper adult and hold her accountable for her actions. You deserve to be treated properly.

sending big hugs but that's abuse and you don't deserve to be your DD punchbag . What did your husband say about it ?

You should of reported her to teach her a lesson. I can't believe your husband drove her..how spoilt.