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Parents of adult children

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Can't cope with his behaviour

5 replies

goldenwing · 16/03/2022 13:47

My 18yr old son has aspergers & ADHD, he is rude, disrespectful, aggressive and lazy.

His exam results are poor, he just hasn't put the work in, he wasn't ever really interested in the subjects, he just scrapes by with the least amount of effort, instead he wastes hours on social media and computer games, he listens to violent sick music. He has a uni offer but I have no faith in him sticking the course, he's just going for the social life. He doesn't take seriously the debt he will be in and because of our earnings he will receive only half the maintenance loan but expects up to top it up by 5K! I don't feel we would be actually helping him if we gave him the money. But I haven't a clue what else he will do. He applied for an apprenticeship but is still waiting to hear back. He's said he doesn't want to do it as it means staying here with us. He has no interest in learning to look after himself or getting a job to move out (not that it's affordable) so we are all stuck in a terrible situation. We feel trodden on and battered by him and also trapped. He takes us for granted and speaks very loudly and aggressively over us. What are we supposed to do?

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 16/03/2022 18:50

No answers but saw this so bumping it

Brideandprejudice · 16/03/2022 18:52

What have you tried in the past? Knowing how he responds to things might help people advise

goldenwing · 17/03/2022 18:55

We haven't really had a situation like this before, the whole going to uni decision is totally his but we don't believe it's for him and are we really expected to support this when we feel it's a waste of time and he's going to be in debt.

We hate all the arguing it's horrible.

OP posts:
Nelliephant1 · 17/03/2022 19:26

His exam results are poor but he's still got a uni offer so he can't be doing too badly academically.

Support, encouragement, understanding and credit where it's due goes a long way.

ItsDinah · 17/03/2022 19:43

A break might do you all good. As you say, you have no idea what else he could do and communication has broken down. Give £2500 but only paid direct towards catered ( i.e. meals included) Hall of Residence. The Student loan repayments are not onerous and will be his responsibility. At home he is stuck in a rut of being contrary to you and everyone else. The move away might ease him into another mindset. I would on no account give more than the £2500.

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