DS (22) - New job in London - Live at home initially or rent?

[CornflakeMum]

DS (22) will be starting a new graduate job in London this summer. He will have a good salary (£50k) and will be working in the Chiswick area.
He's beginning to think about his options, which are obviously his choice, but I'd be interested in perspectives from people whose DC might have done the same.
Key consideration is that we live in the London commuter zone, and while it's not a great journey (2 changes) he could commute from home in just over an hour door to door.
Another factor is that he's already been told he will be in the office a maximum of 3 days a week and expected to work from home the rest.

He seems dead set on 'getting his own place' before he starts work. DH and I are trying to encourage him to not rush into things, but to consider commuting/staying in a Premier Inn 3 nights etc for a while until he gets a feel for the company/ the area/ where his colleagues live etc.

Any wisdom/ thoughts?

I guess we are all products of our experience. I can't imagine trying to get used to working life and having to turn down an offer of a last minute night out with new colleagues in favour of a commute home to mum and dad or flat hunting. Sounds rubbish to me.

When DS2 was 23 (now 40!) he had his first graduate job in The City - I'm inner London and he had an easy commute but his plan from day 1 was to move out, and he did but a year later when he bought into his own flat.

The easy commute didn't make it so urgent for him escape his mother!

On a related note, I have been hearing from parents of his friends who graduated last year just how hard it IS to find London accommodation. One girl has been living at home the last year because she simply can't find anything suitable with her two friends. Everything goes within hours. If you can't see it the same day it's listed then you can forget it!

This was a depressing read at the weekend! Why I’m still on the starting line of the rental rat race www.thetimes.co.uk/article/fced17fc-9654-11ec-addf-533e9597e348?shareToken=a7b45e0971903323065b04292dbc4bbb

If I were him I would be getting a house share while I was working out where I really wanted to live. But it sounds like he doesn't want or need any advice, so I would be keeping my own counsel!

@longestlurkerever

I guess we are all products of our experience. I can't imagine trying to get used to working life and having to turn down an offer of a last minute night out with new colleagues in favour of a commute home to mum and dad or flat hunting. Sounds rubbish to me.

But in London almost everyone has a commute home.

That's a great salary. How exciting for him. I can see both points of view. If he makes a mistake then it's not terrible. He would waste some money but would learn from it. I'd leave him to it.

My four kids are all in their 20s, they are all responsible and sensible but I often catch myself thinking I would do things differently from them. I'm really good at not meddling so they don't know what I think. I'm sure that it means they ask me for my advise a lot more and that ultimately they really respect my opinion.

Well yes but there's commutes and commutes. Uber/cycle/night bus home is different to season tickets and last trains stopping at 11 or whatever. Plus, he wants to strike out on his own and enjoy his own space as a working man. And why shouldn't he?

@DontBeMean

That's a great salary. How exciting for him. I can see both points of view. If he makes a mistake then it's not terrible. He would waste some money but would learn from it. I'd leave him to it.

My four kids are all in their 20s, they are all responsible and sensible but I often catch myself thinking I would do things differently from them. I'm really good at not meddling so they don't know what I think. I'm sure that it means they ask me for my advise a lot more and that ultimately they really respect my opinion.

Yeah I think there's value in just letting him crack on. Otherwise you're suggesting that he should defer to mum knows best on any quasi important decision. I think it's quite important that he learns to trust his own judgement.

I would suggest to him he looks for a place of his own once he has his first months salary, also put to him that if he hasn't learned to drive yet or needs a car, perhaps he wants to set aside money for them before he pays commercial rent. I stayed at home for a year and saved up the deposit for a flat

He also has a probationary 3 month period, and while you hope that it would be a formality that he passes, I guess it's possible he or they might think the 'fit' isn't right!

@longestlurkerever

I guess we are all products of our experience. I can't imagine trying to get used to working life and having to turn down an offer of a last minute night out with new colleagues in favour of a commute home to mum and dad or flat hunting. Sounds rubbish to me.

Living further out doesn’t mean you have to turn down nights out. If you’re on a fast line to the commuter belt it’s often quicker to get home than to less well connected parts of London. I can be home from Paddington in half an hour and the last train is at like 3am. That’s not to live with my parents though.

I honestly think it sounds rubbish. That's a life for 40 year old, not a 24 year old. It doesn't massively matter what I think but what I don't get is why it matters what any of us think, including his mum. He's got a new and well paid job and wants to start his new life as an independent adult. There's no reason why he shouldn't. He wants his own place more than he wants his "forever home" All this "get to know the area" doesn't really work unless you're expecting him to spend his out of work time mooching around residential districts. He'll be going to work, going out or going home. He might get advice from colleagues but it's likely to be no more thought through/unbiased than his own random googling would elicit.

I just feel like you're pouring cold water on his new life, and that's probably how he sees it too.

I honestly think it sounds rubbish. That's a life for 40 year old, not a 24 year old.

Is that in response to my post? I’m 27! And I bought my house when I was 24, which is worth living outside the TFL fare zone for because you can have more house parties without worrying about losing your rental deposit from any damage.

Interesting to hear the different perspectives! Just to be clear, we're not suggesting he live at home and commute permanently - just for a few weeks/ months maximum!

Perhaps things are different where we live, but it seems to me to be the the norm for most of the children of our friends who are starting work in London? They all seem to be commuting/ living at home/ saving cash for deposit etc but still enjoying social life by crashing at friends who are in London, or staying overnight in hotels etc.
Covid has changed the way people work, and I think it would be miserable to end up stuck in some grotty studio flat to work at home 3 days a week.
Anyway, he hasn't really started looking yet, so maybe he'll change his mind when he starts working out his budget etc?

@deadlanguage

I honestly think it sounds rubbish. That's a life for 40 year old, not a 24 year old.

Is that in response to my post? I’m 27! And I bought my house when I was 24, which is worth living outside the TFL fare zone for because you can have more house parties without worrying about losing your rental deposit from any damage.

To clarify, I'm not saying it is rubbish. I'm sure your place is lovely. I am just saying that, subjectively, I'd want the bright lights of the big city and less practicality and the lovely thing about finally being a grown up on a decent salary is that what you subjectively want can be made to happen.

Not everyone who starts work in London has family in commuting distance so I'm sure your friends' children's experience isn't universal. And for some of course they don't have much option. But I don't know why you're so determined that his studio will be grotty? It could be anything from funky to cosy but either way represents something more: independence and freedom and adventure.

A house share would be ideal for him. He can afford it and he'll have a lot more fun and independence.

[quote CornflakeMum]On a related note, I have been hearing from parents of his friends who graduated last year just how hard it IS to find London accommodation. One girl has been living at home the last year because she simply can't find anything suitable with her two friends. Everything goes within hours. If you can't see it the same day it's listed then you can forget it!

This was a depressing read at the weekend! Why I’m still on the starting line of the rental rat race www.thetimes.co.uk/article/fced17fc-9654-11ec-addf-533e9597e348?shareToken=a7b45e0971903323065b04292dbc4bbb[/quote]
This surprises me. Anecdotally my younger colleagues have all secured discounted rent etc because people weren't renting city centre flats in lockdown

@Jk987

A house share would be ideal for him. He can afford it and he'll have a lot more fun and independence.

He's been in house shares at uni and has absolutely and categorically said that he does NOT want one!

Since he will be on a probationary three months perhaps suggest he stays home just for that time and then support his wish to live independently. On £50K he will be able to do so if he can find a rental - London rental prices are high and he doesn't want to share or find a studio.

I wouldn't consider an hour commute that one you'd have to stay in a hotel .

He will not have anything “grotty” on that salary. For context my DC on graduation got a job at less than half that salary and rents a really nice studio in SE London for £800pcm. Your son will be able to afford a “proper” one bed flat on his income. Commuting to the sticks is miserable at the best of times. Train companies have reduced services due to Covid /fewer passengers especially late at night. He would not be able to properly participate in work and social life if having half an eye on the train timetable.

Chiswick is an odd place transport wise, the stations are not necessarily near where offices would be and its district line tube...lots of buses but traffic is awful...
I would suggest he rents closeor in Chiswick sommfor 6mths to get the feel of the place...its pricy but doable on his salary...

I think the 3 month probation is a red herring, in reality all jobs in the UK are on a 2 year probation.

He doesn't need to stay at home to save for a deposit he already has one. He is an adult with a good job, why shouldn't he have his own flat. Let him live his life.

My daughters experience (she moved to London last summer & lives close to Chiswick) is that it isn’t easy to find somewhere. Everywhere DOES go within hours, places offer online viewings but it’s very easy to be scammed and landlords pretty much interview you along with others and decide who they want on a whim.