How would you feel if..

[SheSellsSeaShells111]

Your adult DD got on with the woman your ExH left you for?

He left 20 years ago and he has been married to the new woman for 10 years.

DD is 29.

Would you do/say anything?

Publicly I'd grit my teeth and be pleased my daughter got on with her.
Privately I'd moan.

No. I wouldn’t say or do anything.
After 20 years I’d like to think I wouldn’t waste headspace on feeling anything.
In reality I’d probably be a bit peeved, but wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of knowing that. In public I’d say how marvellous it was that everyone gets on, smile and share the top table at DD’s wedding if that’s what she wanted. I’d then go home and cry into my prosecco and only put the photos up on a wall I don’t regularly face.

Maybe the father said, "if you want a relationship with me, then you have to have one with my wife too".

Thank you for your replies, I suspected as much that it should be a grit your teeth situation!

Speaking as an adult daughter, I have never felt I could build a relationship with my dad's wife as my mum wouldn't have it. It's been 25 years. My mum also wanted me to stop talking to my stepdad when she split with him, as he left her for someone else too.

Even though I get it from her point of view. I feel like my loyalties have always been split and I have never been able to feel complete or at peace because if it. That being said it was my dad that initially put us all in this position! In am ideal world, my mum would move on and know that even if I have close relationships with these people it wouldn't change or impact our relationship. In fact her comments and remarks over the years, showing how betrayed and jealous she gets over any kind of positive contact I have, have really impacted my trust in her. I hope that helps. It might help you both to talk it through.

Smile and hold your head high and on the outside your bright and breezy and you don’t care one inch . Behind closed door cry and scream and get it out and have a voodoo doll that you can stick pins in . Works for me when my DS dad is around who has done nothing for 28 years but now playing perfect parent

Honestly? I would feel completely betrayed, and would never accept it. I am in awe of those that do though, and wish I could be that way.

In reality, things are not always equal, and that's just the way it is. Principles are not high these days, and neither is loyalty, if you can accept that then you're halfway there.

@YetAnotherUsernameToday I feel for you in your situation, this is the downside of my attitude, I don't know what the answer is

I was delighted but then again my exH is a complete narcissist (I don't use that term lightly) so I never felt anything other than empathy for her. She's since moved out but DD keeps in touch with her and her daughter which is nice. DD no longer has a relationship with her dad so, unless that changes, won't get to meet his new gf.

Hey, just wanted to say that I understand that you must still have pain and feel betrayed by your x-husbands actions. But it was a long time ago, pretty much most of your daughter's life. She has had time to grow and deal with this, where as you are still very much stinging from it all. I'm going to relay a conversation had between my x husband telling his mum that we were getting married.
"Mum, we want to get married"
"Wow! Amazing! So excited for you both! Have you told your father? If he goes to the wedding I'm not going, so you have to choose."......
(Little background, both parents married to other people, the dad for 20 years to the woman he left her for, the mum for 12).
Sometimes you just have to let it go.
In the end, we got married alone with two witnesses provided by the registry office.
My relationship with my mother in law never happened because she couldn't find a way to put aside her anger and hurt for the sake of her son.
I hope you can see a way forward.
X