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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

Should I still be paying my Mum rent?

18 replies

SurferBoy02 · 07/02/2022 12:02

So I've sort of moved out. I work at a fast food chain so I stay with my grandparents most of the the time as it's much easier to get to work from there. I end up going home to stay for maybe 1 or 2 nights every couple of weeks. I still pay my Mum £75 a fortnight rent but my grandparents refuse to take a single penny from me. They won't even let me contribute a little towards their food shopping. I have considered just getting hold of their bank card before to take their details and send them some money by bank transfer but being a 19 year old part time worker I can't really afford to pay both of them. And I think the reason why they won't take any money from me is because they are aware that I already pay my Mum rent. I don't want it to seem like I don't want to pay any rent at all, I'm just saying that I'd much rather be giving that £150 a month to my grandparents rather than my parents, and I think there's a chance that if I stopped paying my Mum, then my grandparents might accept the money. Any advice?

OP posts:

Original poster

SurferBoy02 · 07/02/2022 12:11

Sorry I forgot to add this in…the reason my mum still charges me is because I still take up a bedroom in the house. I've told her I'd have no problem having the sofa whenever I'm home but she won't have it

OP posts:

Knittedfairies · 07/02/2022 12:18

Move out of your mum's house completely; take all your stuff and start paying your way while living with your grandparents.

AugustRose · 07/02/2022 12:25

As you are spending most of your time with your grandparents then it's them who should be receiving the rent. Your mum can't expect to keep getting rent when you don't live there.

FilledSoda · 07/02/2022 12:29

As knittedfairies says , move out . Pack up everything and officially move .
Why are you going back 1 or 2 days every week ?
Stop that too .

TheApexOfMyLife · 07/02/2022 12:33

By any chance, does your mum need the £150 a month and that’s why she is reluctant to stop the payments?

Did you talk about you moving out to your grand parents too?

I suspect things just happen and you’ve never had a discussion about it. I think you need to start around that, what you want, where you want to live etc…

TheApexOfMyLife · 07/02/2022 12:35

@FilledSoda

As knittedfairies says , move out . Pack up everything and officially move . Why are you going back 1 or 2 days every week ? Stop that too .

Hmm I don’t know about you but I know many uni students who are coming back home more or less every week or every two weeks. That’s not unusual and I would t expect a parent to charge board for that! I mean they are still her parents and it’s still her home?

peboh · 07/02/2022 12:41

Does the £75 include food and all bills whilst you're at your mums? Is she low income?
I understand why you want to give the money to your grandparents, but would it not make more sense to stay there full time in that case?

D0lphine · 07/02/2022 12:45

Step 1, chose where you live. Have all your things where you live and none of your things anywhere else.

Step 2, pay rent where you live according to what is fair.

cstaff · 07/02/2022 12:52

Clear out your room and either put your stuff in the garage or at your grandparents. She couldn't possibly claim rent off you then. Then transfer your payment to your grandparents.

Branleuse · 07/02/2022 12:57

If youve still got your room with your stuff in it then youre still paying for the room. Maybe speak to your grandparents about officially taking a room there and paying rent.
The problem with you being a working adult with a room at your mums is that she will have lost any child benefit or tax credits for you like when you were a child plus any single person discount on her council tax, so actually when an adult child lives at home it costs more than a younger child who is in education. That £34 a week will be making up for that

TheApexOfMyLife · 07/02/2022 15:20

But that would have happened regardless of whether the OP is living with her mum or not, working or not.

The only thing that could have been different is the single person discount (assuming there isn't a partner living with the mum) if the OP was a student vs working.

Branleuse · 07/02/2022 15:52

@TheApexOfMyLife

But that would have happened regardless of whether the OP is living with her mum or not, working or not.

The only thing that could have been different is the single person discount (assuming there isn't a partner living with the mum) if the OP was a student vs working.

Yes but she would also have an extra room in the house to use, or have the ability to downsize. Just saying op is paying rent for a room shes taking up as a working adult. This is totally normal in many families where money is tight, either that or the kid has to move out.

Lochroy · 07/02/2022 15:56

My first reaction is that you should pick one place and then move properly into it, assuming this is a long term plan.

However, perhaps your mum needs the money? Why won't she hear of you not having the bedroom?

If your grandparents don't mind, then yes in principle it's a bit odd to pay your mum when you aren't there, but if it works for everyone, perhaps leave things as they are?

CandyLeBonBon · 07/02/2022 15:56

Echoing pp. if your stuff is still at your mum's she can't use that room. If you move out, and she needs the money, she could let it to a lodger or take in students.

And sleeping on her sofa as a regular thing isn't really terribly fair either. £75 a fortnight isn't much - could you split it between mum and GP? How much do you earn?

caranations · 07/02/2022 16:02

Just saying op is paying rent for a room shes taking up as a working adult

She's a teenager and works part time in a fast food place. If she was older and working full time with a good salary, then yes, pay her way, but she's still only 19 and will be on a very low wage.

Original poster

SurferBoy02 · 07/02/2022 18:09

@CandyLeBonBon

Echoing pp. if your stuff is still at your mum's she can't use that room. If you move out, and she needs the money, she could let it to a lodger or take in students.

And sleeping on her sofa as a regular thing isn't really terribly fair either. £75 a fortnight isn't much - could you split it between mum and GP? How much do you earn?

I don't earn very much (just to say, I am male). I normally get around £250 a fortnight. That always depends on what hours I get each week though. I only find out every Thursday what hours I have for the following week. It's a £9 per hour job, which is decent but I need to be getting enough hours to back that up. I was told in my interview it would be full time. I've been working 2-3 days a week

OP posts:

Branleuse · 07/02/2022 19:34

@caranations

Just saying op is paying rent for a room shes taking up as a working adult

She's a teenager and works part time in a fast food place. If she was older and working full time with a good salary, then yes, pay her way, but she's still only 19 and will be on a very low wage.

Yes and if you can afford to keep your adult children without hardship then thats great, but I know of people that had to make their older teenagers/young adults out for financial reasons.

CandyLeBonBon · 07/02/2022 22:05

@SurferBoy02 have you applied for UC? It's good that you're working and trying your hardest - it's not easy at the moment for people your age - keep looking for something more but in the meantime maybe talk to your mum/grandparents about the situation - you really all need to sit down and chat to see how best to resolve this.

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