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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

My son has reached out

17 replies

RedScarlettRouge · 22/01/2022 17:47

I'm hoping for some advice, I'm inwardly panicking whilst trying to think of how to help my son.

He's reached out to me to confide he is struggling with his mental health. From what he has said to me, I think it is depression. He has spoken to a doctor also. However he works away from home, coming home right now isn't an option. He will be home in a few weeks.

Other than talking to him and supporting him over the phone, is there anything else I can do? Has anyone any experience dealing with men's mental health, any advice or suggestions please?

OP posts:
Original poster
RedScarlettRouge · 22/01/2022 17:48

Sorry, to add, I just feel slightly panicked in case it worse than he's saying and I can't be there with him.

OP posts:
PreparationPreparationPrep · 22/01/2022 17:50

Op - are you able to go and see him?

Original poster
RedScarlettRouge · 22/01/2022 17:52

@PreparationPreparationPrep

Op - are you able to go and see him?
No unfortunately not, he's abroad at the moment on the forces. I would be on a plane if I could but it's not an option Sad
OP posts:
MrsWooster · 22/01/2022 17:52

Tell him Samaritans is there 24/7 on 116123. Can you ask him if he’d like counselling and would he like you to try and find a few options for him to consider when he comes home?

PreparationPreparationPrep · 22/01/2022 17:52

It must be really worrying - but I think it's a good thing he has reached out to you. I must admit my gut reaction would be to do what I can to get to see him, but I am a bit impulsive so maybe someone will come along with better advice Thanks

purpleboy · 22/01/2022 17:54

Hi op, I'm really sorry to read this.
Have you heard of MIND? They are a MH charity.
Here is the link for you, hopefully they have some resources for you.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/

I hope you son is ok, mens MH is not talked about enough Thanks

Original poster
RedScarlettRouge · 22/01/2022 17:54

@MrsWooster

Tell him Samaritans is there 24/7 on 116123. Can you ask him if he’d like counselling and would he like you to try and find a few options for him to consider when he comes home?
Thank you, I'll do that.
OP posts:
sandgrown · 22/01/2022 17:55

If he is in the forces I am sure there will be support mechanisms in place if he speaks to someone .

Original poster
RedScarlettRouge · 22/01/2022 17:55

@purpleboy

Hi op, I'm really sorry to read this. Have you heard of MIND? They are a MH charity. Here is the link for you, hopefully they have some resources for you.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/

I hope you son is ok, mens MH is not talked about enough Thanks

Thank you, that's a good idea. My mind seems to have gone blank , I'll do that now.
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Original poster
RedScarlettRouge · 22/01/2022 17:57

@sandgrown

If he is in the forces I am sure there will be support mechanisms in place if he speaks to someone .
Yes there is, I think I need to take a breath, I should know this. Thank you.
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picklemewalnuts · 22/01/2022 17:59

Thank him for being honest with you.
Reassure him that many people have experienced similar- it's a horrible thing to go through but he isn't alone.
It can be managed. Feeling like this now, doesn't mean he'll feel like it forever.

Not all in one conversation, obviously!

And perhaps make sure that you always ask how he is so he can tell you if he wants to, but not to pester him to the point he regrets telling you!

Tricky, I know. It's good he trusts you enough to share.

Purplewithred · 22/01/2022 18:04

Take a deep breath.

He's an adult; he's spoken to a doctor, and there will be support at his unit. I know he's your little boy (my little boy is 31) but he will be being well cared for by professionals who are right there with him now.

Unlike when he was 7, it's no longer your job to fix him. You don't have to "do" anything.

The fact he's spoken to you is a very good sign. I would suggest your job here is to be supportive, empathetic, a great listener and to respond to what he seems to need from you - probably unconditional love and maybe a brisk dose of reality every so often.

Flowers
Original poster
RedScarlettRouge · 22/01/2022 18:08

@Purplewithred

Take a deep breath.

He's an adult; he's spoken to a doctor, and there will be support at his unit. I know he's your little boy (my little boy is 31) but he will be being well cared for by professionals who are right there with him now.

Unlike when he was 7, it's no longer your job to fix him. You don't have to "do" anything.

The fact he's spoken to you is a very good sign. I would suggest your job here is to be supportive, empathetic, a great listener and to respond to what he seems to need from you - probably unconditional love and maybe a brisk dose of reality every so often.

Flowers

Thank you. You're right, I do want to "do" something. It helps to hear this. My "doing" can be listening. I can do that. Thanks again.
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Jennifer2r · 22/01/2022 18:11

Tell him it's wonderful that he told you and you're proud of him and you want him to keep talking to you. Try and offload about your worries onto others. Get support for yourself also. He needs you to be calm and positive with him.

Notthissticky · 22/01/2022 18:11

Oh OP, this must be so upsetting for you. If he's forces and posted abroad, wouldn't there be some pastoral care there? A chaplain/ imam/ humanist/ non-denominational person. He could go and speak to them. I'm not sure what other support systems the army has in place on tour.

My boys are tiny, but when my husband was struggling with his mental health due to workplace bullying, he really needed to talk to his mum. Separately, I also spoke to her, which helped both her and me, to cope and to support him. Does your son have a partner? Has he confided in them? Would he accept you speaking to each other?

Notthissticky · 22/01/2022 18:14

@Jennifer2r

Tell him it's wonderful that he told you and you're proud of him and you want him to keep talking to you. Try and offload about your worries onto others. Get support for yourself also. He needs you to be calm and positive with him.
Whole-heartedly agree with this!

To add to my previous post: you don't need to be a member of a particular faith in order to speak to a chaplain or similar.

Original poster
RedScarlettRouge · 22/01/2022 18:23

Thank you everyone. I just need to take a breath and be calm for him. I can do that. I'll be chatting to him later, so I appreciate the very sensible and caring advice you have all given. My mind went a bit blank, just hard when he's away and going through this. Thanks again x

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