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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

jealous son birth of baby brother

13 replies

mommyjenny · 24/10/2021 03:55

This evening my husband asked my son if he would be happy to have another little brother or sister.

He is my second husband and we only have one daughter together, a two year old.
my older son, 19, without answering, got up from his chair and went to lock himself in his room.

I went to knock on the door to get him dinner, and he made me promise not to get pregnant.
I am really very sad about his behavior.
what to do?

OP posts:
Undertheoldlindentree · 24/10/2021 04:05

Sorry, no insight as such, but I would wait a few days, then ask him why he feels like this. Maybe make it a casual car conversation. I find car journeys can be good for this as less confrontational.

TillyDevon · 24/10/2021 04:31

We just told our nearly 15 year old expecting a baby (unexpectedly!) and she took it badly. I think it feels threatening even to a secure child at first when there’s a large age gap. I am taking the longer term view that in all the examples I know or have heard of a much younger sibling has ended up as nothing but joy , but even with an adult older child I’d say they need a huge amount of love and reassurance at news like this at how much they mean!
He may need time with it and soften or it may take much longer but I would just keep close to him and also not push the subject if his initial reaction unfriendly

JaneExotic · 24/10/2021 08:52

He made you promise? How?

Basicbitch40 · 30/10/2021 13:51

I can see how it would be extremely upsetting for him to have to deal with new siblings at the age of 19.

TrollsAreSaddos · 31/10/2021 19:48

That was a stupid of your husband to ask your son. Little kids and babies are really annoying

Nanny0gg · 01/11/2021 16:30

Why would you think he'd be happy about it?

It's not his choice to make but surely you can see his point?

How does he get on with your DH and his half-sister?

Justmuddlingalong · 01/11/2021 16:34

He's possibly more mortified that you're having sex and if you do become pregnant, everyone will know for sure.

Tokyotammy · 01/11/2021 16:45

Are you pregnant at the moment? I'm assuming you are from your thread title.

Think about it from his perspective, why would he be happy? you and your husband would be, but why would you think he would be? From his perspective its potentially just negatives, less resources to go round, more disruption in the house, feeling like the house is crowded and getting pushed out. There's no real upside for him

Old piece of advice I was given, never ask a question that you really don't want the answer to, either way.

The genie is now out of the bottle, so you're going to have to think of how to continue the conversation rather than bottling it up. Just try to keep his perspective in mind.

LynetteScavo · 31/12/2021 23:56

So are you pregnant?
How do you know the baby would be a boy?
Is your son jealous, or does he just not want small
children around?

At 19 I would have been horrified if my mother had another baby.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 01/01/2022 00:16

At that age I'd have been very aware I'd leave home soon, and felt 'robbed' of a proper relationship with my sibling. Obviously not reasonable, but feelings rarely are.

BraveGoldie · 01/01/2022 00:45

Gosh sorry, I take a different perspective. Your son needs to grow up. At 19, He's an adult as are you. Who does he think he is to try to push you into not having another child? He's going to be out of the house having his own life.... and what a juvenile way to act - leaving a room without a word? Forcing promises out of you?

Unless there is some big backstory (that you are a drug addict or have no money/ you are not capable of caring for your current children well enough/ they are going hungry/deprived/ your DH is a bastard who he's hoping you break up from.... and having another is going to be awful for everybody...). If that isn't the case, then he needs to learn he isn't the centre of the world and doesn't get to dictate to you what you do with your life.

junebirthdaygirl · 01/01/2022 01:01

More that likely they will never live together in the same home .
I think it feels embarrassing for a 19 year to have a pregnant Mom. He sees you as much older as you are his Mom.
My own Mom had a baby when l was 15 and l was mortified as l thought my dps were too old for sex. I thought they had stopped when they had us years before. My dm was 38!!! I didn't want my friends to know especially the boys as l found that quite awkward.
It's not an easy situation so cut him some slack. When the baby comes he will be thrilled. Its the thoughts of it that feels weird.

BraveGoldie · 01/01/2022 01:16

15 yes...... 19 really should be old enough to cope with concept of parents having sex, surely? Also 19 is out of school, so peers should be far less connected to/invested in each other's parents....

I'm not saying don't give a damn about his concerns- but don't bend over backwards to passify or let him act like a twat about them.

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