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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Feel done in

5 replies

Beetlewing · 05/10/2021 18:30

My eldest child came back to live in the family home after living by himself independently for ten years. He had a mental health crisis and I was obviously keen to get him home so he could recover.
The thing is, he's been here since the beginning of the year and I don't think it's helping him. I have given him lots of support, all night chats, taken to doctors appointments, shopping, job interviews, etc etc. He got a diagnosis of ADHD and is on meds and since that happened he almost 'acts up' to it in a way he never did before. He is a bitch to me and a bully to his two much younger siblings that I don't think this is the right environment for him.
He's become de-skilled and his motivation is non existent, he sleeps most of the day then rambles around the house cooking (I cook a family dinner every night which he sneers at before throwing it in the bin) I have lots of things going on at the moment, my relationship is going down the pan, my youngest child's health isn't great and my business is full on and requires me to be there on weekend evenings. I haven't seen my mum in months and yet here's this adult child demanding and depleting my energy. I'm treading on eggshells around him as he's so grumpy. Has anyone been in this situation? Would I be heartless and a bad mother to tell him he needs to move out?

OP posts:
AbbieLexie · 05/10/2021 18:51

Tell him its not working and he needs to make alternative arrangements asap. No discussion just repeat. Stay strong.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/10/2021 18:53

You need to prioritise your younger children. They don’t have anywhere else to go.

And you can and should prioritise yourself. You’ve got a lot on as it is and he needs to find alternative support if he’s refusing to behave better.

Jennybop · 10/10/2021 16:38

Is he seeing a therapist? Maybe you could meet with him and the therapist and set your limits in the meeting. If he doesn't agree, you may need to tell him he needs to leave.

Jennybop · 10/10/2021 16:49

I am new here. I have been married for 28 years. We have one adult son age 22. My son is very smart he just got his masters in divinity but he can't find a church to work at. He is still living at home. My husband has always enabled him and they are best friends. I want my son to find work. My husband keeps making excuses for my son such as he's waiting for a church to open up. I have very serious medical problems and my husband may lose his job because he won't get the covid vaccine in the us. He and my son are against it. I will lose my insurance but my husband listens to my son over me. This has been going on for years. No matter how hard I try to get my son into the real world my husband gets angrier. Neither one listens to me and both either blame everything on me or just ignore me. I can't leave because I am not working and I probably have cancer. I don't know what to do. Thanks for listening.

AmandaHoldensLips · 10/10/2021 16:56

Tell him it's time for him to move out. Give him notice and put a deadline on it. Take him to the housing department if needs be. He needs telling that he has to stand on his own two feet and make his own way now.

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