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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Charging rent for 19 year old

29 replies

Paddingtonmum · 01/10/2021 11:13

I need a bit of advice. My little brother has had to move in with me and my partner because of issues at home. He's almost 20, works full time in a shop.

Everything has gone up on cost since him being here and initially we said we'd charge him £100 a month just to cover his food and that, but I don't think £100 a month is even anywhere near covering that. I don't want to make any money off of him, but I can't afford to be paying for him too when he works full time and I have my own children to pay for.

What do other people charge adult children to live in their house? I don't want him to be paying anything more than what he actually costs e.g. food and increase in bills due to him being here x

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 01/10/2021 11:16

I don't want him to be paying anything more than what he actually costs e.g. food and increase in bills due to him being here

Then what other people charge doesn’t matter. I’d do the maths to show how much he is costing you, then sit down and show it to him and figure out a way for him to cover his costs either by paying you money or by paying for some expenses himself.

Original poster
Paddingtonmum · 01/10/2021 11:21

@PlanDeRaccordement

I don't want him to be paying anything more than what he actually costs e.g. food and increase in bills due to him being here

Then what other people charge doesn’t matter. I’d do the maths to show how much he is costing you, then sit down and show it to him and figure out a way for him to cover his costs either by paying you money or by paying for some expenses himself.

It's quite hard to work out though, especially when it comes to food. That's why I'm asking for advice! :-)

I've worked out the increase in gas and electric but it's groceries I'm struggling with x

OP posts:
SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 11:24

I've worked out the increase in gas and electric but it's groceries I'm struggling with

How long has he been with you and how much extra have you spent? Surely if you’ve noticed he’s costing you more, you have a vague idea how much?

SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 11:25

Sorry, that sounded harsh and genuinely wasn’t meant to. 😬

ssd · 01/10/2021 11:28

Maybe do a big shop and makeca note of what extra you're buying and charge him that eg. 8 chicken breast instead of 5, bigger packs if veg, extra yogurts, tea bags etc than you normally get.

Notaroadrunner · 01/10/2021 11:28

You should be charging him at least 3 times what you are. Do you know how much he gets paid per month after tax? If he's working full time I'd say it's enough to be able to afford to hand over around £300 per month, which is a damn sight less than he'd be paying if renting and paying bills/for food elsewhere.

ssd · 01/10/2021 11:29

In other words, if you size up because if him make a note between your regular size price and the newer size price and charge him the difference.

Original poster
Paddingtonmum · 01/10/2021 11:29

@SuperstarDog

I've worked out the increase in gas and electric but it's groceries I'm struggling with

How long has he been with you and how much extra have you spent? Surely if you’ve noticed he’s costing you more, you have a vague idea how much?

I think food wise we're probably spending an extra £150 a month based upon what I've worked out. But that seems a bit high to me! I might give it a few more months so I can average it out. It's only been two months so far! :/ x
OP posts:
Original poster
Paddingtonmum · 01/10/2021 11:31

@Notaroadrunner

You should be charging him at least 3 times what you are. Do you know how much he gets paid per month after tax? If he's working full time I'd say it's enough to be able to afford to hand over around £300 per month, which is a damn sight less than he'd be paying if renting and paying bills/for food elsewhere.
I think he gets about 1k a month in his hand. He doesn't have a car or anything so no other outgoings and he goes out clubbing twice a week so it's not like he doesn't have any money.

I think you're right, but I almost feel bad asking for it because I feel like £300 will be a good 30% of his wage. Such a hard situation, thank you for your advice

OP posts:
SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 11:35

I think food wise we're probably spending an extra £150 a month based upon what I've worked out. But that seems a bit high to me! I might give it a few more months so I can average it out. It's only been two months so far!

That does seem quite high but it’s possible depending on what you’re buying and if he eats quite a lot. Does he take a packed lunch from your house for work? My son is a bit younger but I reckon he maybe puts £100 on our food bill each month.

If you think £200 would cover it all, take that much, you can always surprise him with giving some back if you’re not using it all. Its still cheap! It’s lovely that you’ve taken him in, I hope he appreciates you and whatever the issues at home are get sorted.

Original poster
Paddingtonmum · 01/10/2021 11:37

@SuperstarDog

I think food wise we're probably spending an extra £150 a month based upon what I've worked out. But that seems a bit high to me! I might give it a few more months so I can average it out. It's only been two months so far!

That does seem quite high but it’s possible depending on what you’re buying and if he eats quite a lot. Does he take a packed lunch from your house for work? My son is a bit younger but I reckon he maybe puts £100 on our food bill each month.

If you think £200 would cover it all, take that much, you can always surprise him with giving some back if you’re not using it all. Its still cheap! It’s lovely that you’ve taken him in, I hope he appreciates you and whatever the issues at home are get sorted.

Yeah he takes a packed lunch and uses 5 slices of bread, a whole packet of ham and then crisps and chocolate! He's thin but very tall and eats a lot... I'm a bit jealous of his metabolism lol.

Thank you, that's so kind. Keeping it aside is a good idea, thank you x

OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 01/10/2021 11:38

I wouldn’t worry about how much he makes per month when calculating how much he costs you by living there!

Part of being an adult is living within your means, if he’s eating £150s worth of food per month.. charge him for it.

SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 11:43

Also, do you know if he was paying anything whilst he lived at home? You could be stressing about charging him a couple of hundred pounds when he was used to paying that amount or more anyway.

mafted · 01/10/2021 11:45

You could get him to buy his own shopping so then if he can't afford £150 a month he can cut back a bit.
It's probably about right though, we give DC1 in university £40 a week toward her shopping.

MonkeysSwiningFromTheTrees · 01/10/2021 12:11

Well he's saving a hell of a lot compared to a house share or studio/ 1 bed. Is he just at the stage now where he's saving for the rent up front? I imagine he'll be gone in a month or 2, he can definitely pay for what he uses

Otter71 · 01/10/2021 16:21

I have recently had DS 20 move in. He was living with his dad who earns three times what I do and probably didn't care so much.

Dad moved in with girlfriend and now seemingly only cares about her kids.
I only have a 2 bed for me, DS and DD so I gave DS my room and am sleeping on the sofa whilst organising a garage conversion. DD is at college full time and works one day pw so just pocket money.
He works full time and is coy about telling me what he earns but from snippets he has given me put together I reckon about £20k pa.

I earn £32k pa basic but grab whatever overtime I can and also get child benefit for DD 16.
I charged him £300 pcm as that was what his dad took off him but dad was saving £100 of that for him and he seems to expect the same
Since he moved in:
Food bill up from £40 to appx £75 pw.
Council tax up £35 pcm (loss of single person discount)
Gas / electric doubled from £30pcm to £65. I know prices are going up but he really can't seem to turn a light or anything else off.
Like you said I don't ask for a profit but I am getting frustrated by him affording to come in drunk each night whilst me and DD can't afford anything like that and struggling to work out if what I am being fair to suggest that I can't afford the £100 saved as he is costing me more than £200 pcm or whether that is just my frustration.
Renting a room locally would be £400-500 pcm plus food.
I think £300 is more than fair to him without me saving for him. If he wants me to save for him then he needs to give me more. I hope my figures may give OP some rationale to up the bills Of course he thinks I am being very unfair and should not be charging at all.

Akire · 01/10/2021 16:31

£300 sounds more like it, less than 30% of income on rent food and all bills, bargin!

£35 week on food then £35 towards gas electric water council tax, insurance, TV
License , Netflix, broadband, cleaning supplies it all adds up. If anything you should at least feel your life isn’t any harder with them, so having enough cover the extra without making profit is the MIM surely.

SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 16:39

Akire

I wouldn’t charge for things we already had that didn’t increase in price due to him being there, and OP has said she doesn’t want to make any money off him, just for it to not cost her any extra.

loubielou31 · 01/10/2021 17:02

I can believe that your food bill is up £150 a month, in fact I think you'll find that's a bit on the low side. A quick Google tells me that the average family of four spends just over £400 on food cooked at home (so not takeaways or restaurant meals) but 2 of the people would be children who will eat less than a quarter of the food iyswim. An extra young man in the house will add a huge amount to your food bill.

You are going to have to increase how much money you are asking from him.

Beetlewing · 05/10/2021 18:35

I would ask him to do his own grocery shopping, give him a shelf in the fridge and cupboard. Otherwise he's going to have a shock when he gets his own place

Keepitrealnomists · 10/10/2021 08:32

Get him to do his own food shopping, problem solved

Standrewsschool · 10/10/2021 08:55

I charge my 19 year old £100 per month, but he’s not currently working full time (22 hours per week). When he does, I intend to charge him £200. He also pays money towards the car insurance.

Standrewsschool · 10/10/2021 08:56

Plus expected to help around the house.

Sprostongreen21 · 10/10/2021 09:06

I moved out at 20. I was so poor looking back. Id have love to have only spent 30% of my wage on living costs.

He is an adult so he can understand you aren’t able to subsidise him, sit down together and show him it’s more expensive than you thought. He could buy his own food as that seems to be a big increase to you and he eats a lot. You are already doing him a huge favour inviting him into your home.

If he doesn’t like it he can try renting/sharing. Which would be more expensive. You could show him this too. Some people are very blasé to living costs outside their family home.

VanCleefArpels · 10/10/2021 09:10

Look up what a room in a house share would be in your area. Show him. Charge him a little bit less (family rates!) or indicate that he can rent the other room. Simple!