Help

[Imonlydoingwhatican]

Not sure right place to post, but as son is an "adult" now we will try here.

My son is 20 physical and chronologically bit mentally more 16/17. He has high fuctioning autism and dyslexia, which he can just about manage. He still lives at home, and due to all the recent upheavals in the world he hasnt really left the house for a while. he has been homeschooling himself with college approval, september he is starting a charity based apprenticeship. His only freind tragically died 2 years ago, and he has struggled to make any new ones.

Heres the issue which i need support with.
He has met a girl online, shes a little older then him and they have videod called each other. They are planning to meet in a town inbetween where they live, this is about 90 mins away by train. He has bought the tickets its this thursday. Im cant stop him and i dont want to...he plans to use this experience towards his independence skills. But my anxiety aboit the what could go wrong is killing me, and not just the autism risks, but the normal dangers of traveling alone. We have spoken about risks a d what to do but im dying. He has asked me not to discuss with anyone so cant talk to anyone in person so not to break his confidence. Help talk me down please.

He has used the train before on his own but not this route

One of mine is a little older, HFA.
We have an excellent relationship, so this works for us.
First time he went to London alone at 19, I caught the same train and was in the same area as him. If he needed me, he could phone.
So he was fine, but rang me and we had dinner together before going home together. His choices.
Three years later, he’s a pro and I stay home. With my phone, just in case...

I think my phrase is ‘scaffolded independence’ It’s how we’ve done most of our journey.

@Somarefuser

One of mine is a little older, HFA. We have an excellent relationship, so this works for us. First time he went to London alone at 19, I caught the same train and was in the same area as him. If he needed me, he could phone. So he was fine, but rang me and we had dinner together before going home together. His choices. Three years later, he’s a pro and I stay home. With my phone, just in case...

I would do this, but i have two younger children and i dont have the funds to cover the train fares. Its so much harder parenting him now then when he was younger i want him to have an independent life, but this a huge leap. What if this girl isnt who she says she is. I worry hes going to be lead into something.

It sounds like a big step so I can understand you being worried, it does sound positive that he has met someone and it's motivated him to get out there though. Can you try and be positive while outlining your concerns and putting in some steps to give you reassurance? Phone calls along the way etc?

I'm talking as now 40 yr old woman who was once a very anxious teen who met up with a bloke she met on the internet. I've been married to him for 20 years now!

What danger do you think he’d face travelling alone?
Mine is tall, silent and with an expressionless autistic glare when he’s not thinking. People tend to walk round him and avoid eye-contact which suits him.
Has he made a checklist of stuff to do? Does he know the town well?What are they going to do when they meet? Has he booked a specific train back, and if he misses it, is there another?
Will he phone you for practical, non-judgemental and calm support if something does go wrong?
Sometimes you have to grit your teeth and let them fly.

Sorry that should read we've been married for 10 years, together for just over 20. I didn't rush off and marry him straight away!

Thank you all, i have been positive and encouraging and im pleased that he is wanting to be social. Like i said i wont be stopping him. My fears are irrational i know that and i havent shared them with him. Ive asked for 2 texts for check in and he just rolls his eyes at me. As expected. I met my husband online also.

Let us know how it goes. And find something to keep you all busy on Thursday!

Well hes back, i can breath again. He gave more then 2 texts and worked the trains ok only double checking he had the correct info. They plan to meet up again soon.

Well done both of you.
Next time will be easier.

Glad your son got on ok and that you survived the worries, no mean feat!