How to keep a happy house - advice needed

[workingholiday]

My adult son, daughter-in-law and 2 lovely granchildren will be coming to live with us for a few months. Any ideas to help make it work?

It will definitely be tricky for your DIL however easy going you both are. Sharing someone else's home is really tough so I'd suggest starting out with a really REALLY honest conversation with ds and DIL about expectations, hopes and boundaries. In particular I'd discuss now:

• Who cooks? How will cooking, shopping and eating meals be arranged?

-Who takes the bins out (or other household drudgery)? Are you a houseproud person who will be disturbed by lego and porridge mess or will your ds and dil be disturbed by your enormous collection of glass figurines on the stairs?

• Who pays? Who is paying what? (Feeling someone is wasting money vs feeling someone is being tight is a surefire way to conflict)
• Whose home is it? Privacy and company - do they have their own space in your home apart from a bedroom or will they always be in your kitchen and your living room?
• Who's in charge of the dc? What are the ground rules on looking after the grand-dc? Are you welcome free childcare or will you be an unwelcome extra complication with different house rules on screen time or sweets or bed times.

I lived with my dh's parents for a year and I know that the things that annoyed me about them were things that didn't cross their minds as being a problem, Likewise the things that I did wrong and upset them (and found out years later) I had NO IDEA that I was doing wrong at the time. So most of all just talk, listen and don't be offended if you all have different views on what's The Right Way.

• Good luck - you're doing a great thing and hopefully you'll all benefit from it for the rest of your lives.

Thank you. I thought of some of these things but not all of them. I can see how important communication is but I do worry about how both sides can raise issues which are causing friction. My husband and I are prepared to do whatever we need to do as this little family have been and are still going through hell.

My DD moved back in with me and her brother for 18 months, bringing her DH and their 2 year old.

We only have one bathroom so it was a bit cosy sometimes but we made it work by figuring out timings depending on who had to be out when. We mostly shopped separately except for things like loo roll and had a WhatsApp group in case anyone needed a parcel/sundries picked up or had forgotten their key!

We didn't spend huge amounts of time all together as I work shifts, and I added a small sofa to my bedroom so that I could retreat alone or with friends.

The only house rule I insisted upon was a clear sink at all times, my kitchen is too small to leave dishes for hours after meals.

I babysat occasionally but there was no expectation, we 'parented' collectively but he is their child. I loved being able to see him grow every day

I'd imagine that if your DIL has any issues, she may channel them through your DS rather than direct with you but that depends on your relationship with both of them.

I wish you well, it's a lovely thing to do for them.

Thank you so much both of you. Helpful tips but also you are so positive which really lifts me. We will make this work.