Relationships with children's parters

[fairyannie]

I always thought that I wouldn't become 'that mother in-law'.

My perception of how my SILs treat my daughters has changed.

They are carrying on their single male life styles and I resent this.

I feel so sad that my daughters spend a fair amount of time waiting for their partners to return whilst they are left behind minding their children.

I think one SIL has noticed a change in my attitude towards him. How can I bite my tongue and not cause friction in the family?

You need to stay out of it unfortunately, unless they are being abused.
My DS had a psycho girlfriend and we could see what she was doing. So one day we got him on his own and he was in a receptive mood so we very calmly told him what we saw but said that she was his choice and we would support him. Three years later he managed to split with her , and he said that he had remembered what we had said and that helped him see he was being emotionally abused.

That sounds hard. I have a step daughter and it would really upset me if she choose a partner like this as she deserves better. I guess all you can do is like you said bite your tongue, let your daughter's know they can talk to you at any time, and let it work itself out. They are adults from the sound of it and unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do. I wouldn't critize as it has the potential to come back at you. Just grit your teeth and remind yourself your daughter's are adults, can make their own choices, and give them a safe place back at home. Sorry your dealing with this, it sounds totally shit

Possibly something to do with lockdown where the SILs were 'forced' to stay at home.

Now things are lifting they are off like a shot.

My daughters don't complain - it's purely my observation.

I'm starting to sort of resent saving them money on child care as their hobbies are quite expensive.

My bitten tongue is very sore 😳

I think uses your daughters appear unhappy, you just have to bite your tongue and carry on.

My brothers wife is often away for weekends or weeks away leaving him with the kids (talking 5 - 8 trips a year), by dbro loves it. He was a sahp and loves having the kids on his own again. He will go away for things but not as much.

It works for them.

Also now restrictions are lifting, lots of people are going out far more, joining hobbies. All the things they couldn't do for the last 18 months.

But, assuming, stuff stays open I would bet the vast majority reduce the hobbies and socialising with 6 months. It's novelty. Most won't keep it up long term and wi go out the amount the did pre pandemic.

Look at the child care as having great bonding time with the kids, which will make memories of you for them. Not as saving their parents money.

Mmmj

Maybe your daughter doesn’t mind and enjoys the peace when they’re out? I don’t think you can judge how other’s relationships work and that includes your own children’s unfortunately. If your daughters do tell you they’re unhappy then that’s when you can encourage them to talk to their dhs but it’s not your place to get involved. Just smile and get on with everyone.