DD sleeping her life away

[TreasuredMim]

DD 25 been back home for 2 yrs. In the past has been to college, flat shared and had a few serious at the time relationships.

Never had anything but short term jobs, low paid, though she's clever and has skills and is good company.

She always had a tendency to be lazy, to let someone else do the work or opt out of it where possible. Now she gey job seekers allowance and pays me rent. I don't cook or do her laundry and she spends 23 hours a day in her room, just comes out to get herself some food and might have a little chat with me. She's not anxious, depressed, ill, unhappy. Says there's no jobs so she's got nothing to get up for.
Seems to watch films in her room until very late and then wake about 4pm. She does make some online job applications - attach your CV type - but nothing that needs effort. She seems content with her life but to me its a waste and if I didn't let her stay with me she couldn't live so comfortably.

Friends have said throw her out and let her fend for herself but its not that easy. Shes got no where else to go. No other family or friends to put her up.

Life is passing her by and I'm enabling it but don’t know how to change the situation. Guidance appreciated.

Gosh. You sound like a lovely mum. I suspect she is mildly depressed, but anyway it is on you to set some boundaries to get her moving.

I think you have to sit her down and say you love her and you cannot allow her to continue like this. Either she gets a job (there is usually care work), goes back to college with a PT job, or does some voluntary work for a field she wants to get into,

To make it more appealing I would talk to her about what she wants to do, where would she like to be at 30? So you can build a path that won’t leave her in a dead end job.

Talk to her very clearly about how it is goung to be planned - what will she do each week? Check in with her every couple days and have a weekly checkin. If there is a cheap gym membership she could start that could be good too - it would be good to get her body clock back to normal.

In your initial conversation I think you should also be clear that if there isn’t immediate movement she is going to have to move out. You can explain this is because you love her.

It might be an idea to take her out to lunch to have this conversation.

Also do check re depression. She should see Gp if she is.

partyatthepalace

Your calm, clear and insightful comments are just what I'm needing. Its very easy to let the months roll on by just because I don’t know how to tackle this in way thats helpful to DD.