I would hugely appreciate advice! I have two kids, aged 2 and 4 and they’re my mom’s only grandkids. She lives in a different country so doesn’t see the kids too often. When she sees them she brings them presents and shows her love in her own way even though she’s never been the warmest of people. She’s very particular about clothes and she herself has an expensive taste. When my sister and I were kids she used to dress us in very nice clothes and princess dresses and was very particular about how we looked. And now it seems she’s continuing this with my kids, especially my older daughter. When she comes and visits my family she stays in a hotel and often takes my older daughter to stay with her for a few nights, and takes her to fancy restaurants and dresses her in clothes she has brought with her, rather than the clothes I’ve packed for her. My mom has never been good at keeping boundaries and this is just one example of disrespecting me. I would understand if I dressed my kids in worn out rags but I don’t. This has bothered me for a long time and so now ahead of her visit in a few weeks, I texted her asking not to bring her own clothes to the kids this time to avoid any unnecessary arguments. This is the same woman I had to temporarily cut contact with during both of my pregnancies, as she offered me zero emotional support and instead caused more stress, especially when I went through a difficult morning sickness with both pregnancies. This is a woman who doesn’t want to do FaceTime with the kids because she thinks she looks too horrible. As a result I doubt my younger child will now even recognise her as it’s been almost a year - thanks to Covid - since they last met. My mom has an active social life and if my daughter is staying with her for a few days, and my mom is invited to a party, she gets a babysitter for my daughter, or alternatively buys a fancy dress for my daughter and takes her along rather than spends that precious time with her alone. My daughter is mixed race and has curly hair, but my mom insists it’s always in braids when she sees her as she thinks the braids “bring out {my daughter‘s} pretty face better”. I.e. she can’t deal with the Afro. She also doesn’t like if I occasionally dress her in African clothes and insists the more traditional pink and blue and white dresses. As a result I don’t pack any African clothes for her when she stays with my mom. Am I being unreasonable with asking her not to bring her own clothes for the kids? I know this is very much a first world problem and as you can probably tell, my relationship with my mom is a troubled one. Any advice and suggestions are much appreciated!