Just that really.
My parents are no longer with me. No sisters and brothers. I have friends....but my kids are the oldest by far.
I still feel lonely around their birthdays - I want to talk to someone about how wonderful it is and go shopping and talk presents and come up with ideas.
People to share this with. I have my son and his brother. Im so proud of them both. Theyre amazing lads (they have their moments lol).
Why do i feel this way around birthdays and christmas. I dont feel supported as a mum.
Maybe im just feeling sorry for myself and looking at the negative. I just wish I could share this great stuff with people who felt the same about them as me. I found it really tough being a single mum when they were younger - the money worries, childcare worries, school worries and all the rest. Its like when i get them to a birthday, it feels great and I have a look around to share it with someone and there isnt.....and thats life i know.
I just needed to get this out. If I could scream out loud that its not fair, i would. They deserve and deserved a full compliment of family around them. to support them when I was finding things tough so they didnt miss out. Its not fair. Im 43 and Im still stamping my feet like a 5 year old saying 'its not fair'.
I think Ive been on my own with them so long that Ive built up an idea of other families in my head and how wonderful it all is but I know thats not real. Just because the Dad is about, doesnt mean he adds value or grandparents.
Relationships with family are so complex.
Im choosing trainers amongst a few other things and im missing saying to someone...what do you think and this is what ive planned...is it good enough, what can i add to make it better.
I just needed to get this out of my head. I'll pull myself together in a minute and carry on choosing trainers....