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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Hand hold please. Everything is ok but i still feel the single parent status at times and its sons 19th birthday on friday

8 replies

Wheelyyyy · 12/05/2021 11:07

Just that really.
My parents are no longer with me. No sisters and brothers. I have friends....but my kids are the oldest by far.

I still feel lonely around their birthdays - I want to talk to someone about how wonderful it is and go shopping and talk presents and come up with ideas.

People to share this with. I have my son and his brother. Im so proud of them both. Theyre amazing lads (they have their moments lol).

Why do i feel this way around birthdays and christmas. I dont feel supported as a mum.

Maybe im just feeling sorry for myself and looking at the negative. I just wish I could share this great stuff with people who felt the same about them as me. I found it really tough being a single mum when they were younger - the money worries, childcare worries, school worries and all the rest. Its like when i get them to a birthday, it feels great and I have a look around to share it with someone and there isnt.....and thats life i know.

I just needed to get this out. If I could scream out loud that its not fair, i would. They deserve and deserved a full compliment of family around them. to support them when I was finding things tough so they didnt miss out. Its not fair. Im 43 and Im still stamping my feet like a 5 year old saying 'its not fair'.

I think Ive been on my own with them so long that Ive built up an idea of other families in my head and how wonderful it all is but I know thats not real. Just because the Dad is about, doesnt mean he adds value or grandparents.

Relationships with family are so complex.

Im choosing trainers amongst a few other things and im missing saying to someone...what do you think and this is what ive planned...is it good enough, what can i add to make it better.

I just needed to get this out of my head. I'll pull myself together in a minute and carry on choosing trainers....

OP posts:
Wheelyyyy · 12/05/2021 11:09

Sorry, i seem to have missed out punctuation....

off to make a strong coffee

OP posts:
Wheelyyyy · 12/05/2021 12:29

trainers bought

OP posts:
Mistressinthetulips · 12/05/2021 12:32

Speak to us about it OP. But it's totally normal to want to tell family about all the wee things - I don't see much point posting photos of my dc on Facebook now I've no parents to see them, and I've no one to call up to say how their report was etc. It's completely natural to miss this, whether through bereavement or a relationship ending.

Karilou · 13/05/2021 04:05

Hi, please help and offer me advise, my ex is bullying me and super passive aggressive, he has turned my children (18 & 21) against me. I have a solicitor and in their eyes I am trying to destroy dad. He has manipulated them, they are both vulnerable young adults suffering with the emotional stress of all this. Dad has come out as gay and so I think in one sense they don’t want to let him feel they are rejecting him so instead have rejected me.

Mistressinthetulips · 13/05/2021 06:35

This seems to be a very slow moving section of mumsnet and I would recommend that both of you actually repost - probably in "relationships" to get more advice and support.

FlowersFlowers

PermanentTemporary · 13/05/2021 06:40

I do get it but right now I am in a horrible row with my brother and sister over the care of my increasingly elderly mother and I would like to be shot of the lot...

No, of course it's tough. My son is 17 and it's now more than ever that I miss my husband seeing him becoming a young man and being able to take pride in the bits we did right, if any...

Rae36 · 13/05/2021 06:50

Your sons sound lovely op, sounds like you are a great family unit.
But I can hear how lonely you sound. My parents live far away and especially when my kids were younger I was so envious of families who all lived close together. Even now I wish my boys could just wander round for a chat with their granny and grandad instead of having to wait a few weeks to see them.
I too dream of a big, close supportive family. My kids deserve it, like you say. But we have what we have and most days it's fine.

My oldest is 15 and only just starting to care about brands of trainers. I hope you picked the right ones! I'm guessing you had very specific instructions?

littleblackno · 13/05/2021 06:53

Karilo, you need to create your own post and then you will get the advice you need.

OP i totally get where you are coming from. Mine are a bit younger but you just want to share stuff about them with someone who can feel equally as proud and who cares about your kids too.
I dont really have much advice i am afraid but just to say it sounds normal.

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