How often do you have contact (text, Facetime, face to face) with your adult, married son?

[Mumblechum0]

Settle an argument between me and DS please. He's a 3 hour drive away, married, no kids, and thinks I'm pestering him if I want a Facetime once a fortnight.

It doesn’t matter what the average is. I can’t imagine trying to badger my children or make them feel guilty to get what I want from them.

My DDs are both adults, in relationships, no kids. We only FaceTime on special occasions (birthday, mother's day etc). DD1 (28) calls from time to time when she is walking somewhere or cooking and texts fairly regularly. DD2 (23) hardly ever calls, maybe once every 6-8 weeks and isn't a prolific texter but will respond to messages eventually. I make no demands of either of them.

Ah, fair enough! Interesting that yours are girls, OCO. My friends with daughters seem to text very frequently, one of them talks to her daughter (married, no kids) twice a day.

So I guess a convo every two or three weeks is normal. I do understand what you mean FitforForty, but I enjoy chatting to my son as he's an interesting person and we have some really interesting convos, just not that often! I'll sit on my hands for another couple of weeks and let him get in touch when he's ready

OP that's really sad I'm sorry he doesn't realise what a gift he has in a Mummy that wants to talk to him. I bet when he has his own kids he will realise xxx

I don't know what your DS does as a job but both my DDs are currently WFH and spend a lot of time on Zoom or phone calls. I think they are all chatted out by the time they have any spare time. At the weekends they are doing chores or are out and about meeting friends etc. I am just glad they are both busy and happy and don't need me as a social crutch.

My ds is 29, I saw him on Saturday, he called me this morning. We speak several times a week, I love it when he calls me

I'm 33, married with children. My Mum FaceTimes me once a week (usually to see DD) but generally for a quick catch up. We text about more specifics if needed during week, but she does this with all of us (4 daughters) she also now rings my older nephews who have gone off to uni and to work away once a week too.

I think if just depends on your dynamic, your son does sound a little bit distant though tbf. Not like you're ringing daily

Well DS1 has a partner and a baby. Before partner and baby we'd text once or twice a week sometimes less and I'd see him every three months or so. With partner and baby we text most days and I see them probably once a month. Never facetimed and rarely speak on the phone tbh.
I wouldn't be making demands or trying to guilt trip him as I think he should want to speak to you rather than speak to you because he feels forced.

Sad to see some parents here not expecting a call or text more than once every 8 weeks. I don’t think you’re BU at all to want to chat to someone you love every 2 weeks.
HOWEVER FaceTime can be very laborious indeed no matter who you’re taking to. Why not stick to more casual texting or whatsapping? Keep it light. A joke here, a quick update there. Hope that tv got fixed, hope your weekend went well, hey send a photo of your new car. Not every single day but regular contact a couple of times a week that he can respond to as and when, no pressure. That way you’re both up to date when you do see each other. Which hopefully would be for something fun like meeting halfway for lunch or a walk or a trip to an interesting landmark. Something active, not just “sitting talking” face to face which many people dread.

It doesn't matter what everyone else does OP, your son doesn't want to talk to you.

Have you asked him why perhaps?

My DS is 20, second year at uni. We usually text or message a couple of times a week and try and speak to him for about half an hour once a week if we can but it often ends up being once a fortnight. Try and get over to see him for a few hours one every month or two if I can.

He’s busy, I’m busy. We are very close and I miss him a lot but am so happy that he has his own life and doesn’t feel that I’m dependent on him or vice verse. It’s important to me that he talks to me because he wants to and not out of obligation.

Thanks everyone for your different perspectives.

I'd echo PP's in that maybe it's not the contact that's the issue, it's the FaceTime? I find it can be quite intrusive and laborious so only really FaceTime with my parents on special occasions and when it's pre-arranged that we sit down without distraction and have a glass of wine together.

Otherwise I prefer a normal phone call which I can take when I'm out walking or doing the ironing or whatever. We speak maybe once a month, WhatsApp back and forth a few times a week. Might be different if I had kids they wanted to see changing as they grew, but they know well enough what I look like by now. That said, DP face-times his family non-stop, so each to their own.

We live in different countries so haven't seen each other in person for over 18 months now.

My two older sons are 28 and 26, neither are in long term relationships. The eldest rings every week or so, always takes my calls if I ring him. Contributes to the family WhatsApp often. Comes home every few weeks.

Younger one isn't so prolific with calls and doesn't come home often but does WhatsApp. If he doesn't take a call he rings me back.

We never do Facetime, I think we all prefer calls.

We are a family of 5- youngest 2 live at home but older 3 (my step kids) are 25, 21 and 20.

We have separate group chats with each of the older kids and their partners and we all messages /send memes and pictures daily/every couple of days.

We speak to the 25 year old weekly, and as she lives in another town visit about every couple weeks.

21 year old is at uni and we speak every couple of weeks if we are lucky!! He's busy and He's the less in contact one, generally keeps himself quiet.

We speak to the 20 year old daily and see him 1 or 2 times a week. We regularly go on dog walks together and he is in our childcare bubble - helps a lot with the younger kids.

It's taken a lot of work and can be exhausting! We used to have one huge group WhatsApp but found that it can cause the odd bit of trouble and I prefer the separate groups.

Having said that, it's lovely getting all 7 of us together. (Sometimes 10 of partners come)

No grandkids yet an expect contact to change if that ever happens- not sure if I expect more or less.

However, I am terrible at contacting my own mum. I have to schedule it in my diary but I think this is because she is quite hard work. I know it's very important to her to hear from me and that's mainly why I do it xx

I am a mother of sons [ no daughters ]. One still lives at home. One I speak to at least once a week, we often message each other throughout the week. If he isn't working he will often come for dinner at the weekend.
One son lives abroad, so that is once a week skyping and sometimes messaging, especially if my grandchildren at doing things.

DH calls his parents at least once a week. Thought it was a bit weird at first but they're just a close family.

They are not married yet, but I have 3 adult dc.

It is my ds that is the most communicative BUT I've never sat and facetimed him. We interact most days, but often it will be sending one another a meme or a joke or a link to something funny or something we know will interest us, or maybe something like a photo that appeared in my facebook memory. Or it might be a quick bit of advice on a recipe or checking a date. He actually lives quite close so will pop in to pick up a letter, or something he wants to borrow and nose through the fridge and food cupboards . When we are both watching the same thing on TV, (eg a football match) we will message back and forth, commenting on it).

My youngest daughter is the hardest to get in touch with - so I'm not agreeing with the boy / girl divide.
She just doesn't always have her phone on her, or it isn't charged, and she is on social media less than the others. She is also quite busy (studying, volunteering, working) so it is quite hard to pin her down. We probably have a video chat once a month / 6weeks-ish. Doesn't mean she doesn't love me, she is just both busy, and disorganised.

Oh yes, dh rarely speaks to his parents.

I guess we are all different.

Gosh some low expectations here! DS 26 will call when he wants something. A lift maybe, or a loan, or a place to stay or someone to sit in for a delivery. But that is not good enough and I am trying to realign my expectations. Our relationship should now be reciprocal not one sided. He should call because he wants to check on my health, or saw a meme that would amuse me, or just knows that calling would make me happy. Lets not breed anymore man children. Unless you have been an abusive parent then an adult child is just as responsible for maintaining a relationship as you are. ffs his girlfriends phone me but he doesn't!? Nope he needs to up his game or else he will be one of those men whose wives organise both sides of the families Christmas presents and who go on to have advanced degrees in learned helplessness.

I Skype wit DC (30) every Sunday morning for a couple of hours.