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Am I right to be upset with my Mum or is this just childish jealousy?

5 replies

BritBoy · 15/04/2021 01:08

So back in September '19, I started work placement at a pre-school alongside a college traineeship with a view to an apprenticeship and became friends with an older lady working there. She just made me feel welcome, part of the team and was always the one to get me talking really. She's 35 with 4 children but in some ways, she is quite immature with some of the things she jokes about, but as a 19 year old lad, that's something I like about her. Just so you know for sure, there is absolutely nothing more to it than that, I think of her as being like an older sister to me and have never thought of her romantically or sexually. Then when I had to stop working there because lockdown she became a Scentsy consultant and Mum became one of her customers, very quickly. And they've just became closer and closer since then.

My friend (or should I say, my Mum's friend) doesn't know this but as someone with autism, I've always struggled socially and never had any friends up until I first started there. She was the first person who wasn't a family member who I felt like I could talk to about anything. That got to a point where I started to drift away from my Mum because everything I tell her, she tells my stepdad. And whenever I try to talk to her about something bad that's going on in my life, I will end up having a 4 hour long lecture from him about what I need to do and why it's my fault, blah blah blah.

I felt like my Mum felt jealous of her because of this so she deliberately befriended her so that she could see how close we were and get her to become closer to her than she was me.

Now, they're best friends. They're planning to go on holiday together and all sorts. It really upsets me that she did that but to I have a right to be upset?

OP posts:
BritBoy · 15/04/2021 19:06

Anyone?

OP posts:
Shinyletsbebadguys · 15/04/2021 19:12

I can completely understand why you are upset. My son is autistic and I see how hard it is for him to make friends. It wasn't necessary to muscle in on yours. That said im not sure there is an easy solution. Many people will tell you that you can both be friends and yes thats the case but I do understand how hard won those close relationships are.

My only thought would be to find something , a group hobby (I absolutely understand the lack of comfort with that) or another role etc and over time you will meet more friends.

However I do think my son would be sad too and I would absolutely have seen that as a boundary not to cross. I have friends I don't need to interfere in my sons relationships. So I think you have every right to be upset but I am really sorry I don't think anything you say to them would change it.

BritBoy · 15/04/2021 21:53

@Shinyletsbebadguys

I can completely understand why you are upset. My son is autistic and I see how hard it is for him to make friends. It wasn't necessary to muscle in on yours. That said im not sure there is an easy solution. Many people will tell you that you can both be friends and yes thats the case but I do understand how hard won those close relationships are.

My only thought would be to find something , a group hobby (I absolutely understand the lack of comfort with that) or another role etc and over time you will meet more friends.

However I do think my son would be sad too and I would absolutely have seen that as a boundary not to cross. I have friends I don't need to interfere in my sons relationships. So I think you have every right to be upset but I am really sorry I don't think anything you say to them would change it.

Many thanks for the reply. I just feel like there was so many other people she could've tried to be friends with, but she just had to choose my only friend, which made her my best friend. I used to be comfortable talking to her about absolutely anything without her saying anything to anyone else to leave me to do that in my own time but now I just don't trust her as much as I used to, and that's not down to her. I think she feels like if she didn't pass any of the things I told her onto my Mum then shit would hit the fan. I act happy when I'm around them both at the same time but inside I'm raging
OP posts:
FreedomFromLockdown · 15/04/2021 22:01

Yes I think you have a right to be upset in this situation. I presume you can no longer be friends with her in case she betrays your confidence by filling your mum in on everything you tell her?
I guess the positive to take from this is that you held up a friendship with someone you met at work. You now know this is possible and you have the skills and confidence to do it in the future.

BritBoy · 15/04/2021 22:11

@FreedomFromLockdown

Yes I think you have a right to be upset in this situation. I presume you can no longer be friends with her in case she betrays your confidence by filling your mum in on everything you tell her? I guess the positive to take from this is that you held up a friendship with someone you met at work. You now know this is possible and you have the skills and confidence to do it in the future.
I am still friends with her, and we are still very close. I've just been hiding how I feel about them being friends from both of them and I now don't tell her anything that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling my Mum.
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