what did I do wrong?

[isoult]

I have an adult daughter and I believe she may be a classic narcissist. Our relationship has been strained since she stormed out at the age of 16. We enjoyed a limited relationship from age 21 when she became pregnant and I welcomed my grandson into the world 4 years ago. I've always had to tread lightly around her and suffer verbal abuse, put downs and insults on a regular basis. Something happened 2 years ago that made me fear for her life and after discussing it with her I have experienced a stronger will to bully me by using passive/aggressive WhatsApp messages. I feel like I'm done with her but as you know, a mother's love is hard to break. I still have access to my grandson via his father, whom my daughter dumped simply because he wouldn't agree to move to a more expensive neighborhood! Is this s relationship that's doomed to perpetual failure? Is it me that's caused this? I'm so confused.

Just typing that out felt cathartic.

It might be nothing you've done, but it might.

I have a similar relationship with my mother. However she let me down hugely as a child. Neglectful, judgemental and cruel. Although she doesnt admit it or even believe it so we cant really move to a better place relationship wise.

Ask her, she might be affected by something that you didnt think would cause this

It's hard to say given that we don't know what her childhood was like. Have you tried any family counselling?

It’s really hard as all you’ve said is what the relationship is like but not explained her childhood, why she stormed out etc,

Oh bless you. Coming at it from a daughter angle, my sister is the equivalent of your daughter in our family. All the antics she's pulled, I didn't think my mum would get it through it at one point. My sister does nothing unless she stands to benefit, and I don't think she has true feelings of love or affection for anyone, just seeing them as a bag of emotions she can manipulate.

I'm not of course saying this is the case, and I know all families are different. But I wanted to say that there certainly is a chance that it is nothing to do with you, could very well be just the way she is. :/

I'm one of 4, three of us perfectly normal, well adjusted adults, while she's a nightmare. She was bought up exactly the same as us, but this is just her. Unfortunately.

Nothing. People who have not experienced this do not understand, will try to go down the 'must have been something in childhood' route and it will not be helpful.

Those who have experience of this know better. You have my utmost sympathy and you are not alone.

Thank you everyone 🥰

All parents do their best. No-one purposely harms their kids. It sounds hard.

@Emeeno1

Nothing. People who have not experienced this do not understand, will try to go down the 'must have been something in childhood' route and it will not be helpful.

Those who have experience of this know better. You have my utmost sympathy and you are not alone.

This is just silly. You have no idea what this young woman’s childhood was like. To suggest no parent ever does anything “wrong” is ludicrous. Have a read of the stately homes thread then post.

It could be nothing, or it could be a very big something. None of us know.

@crossstitchingnana

All parents do their best. No-one purposely harms their kids. It sounds hard.

Are you having a laugh? Plenty of parents purposely hurt their kids. Sadly.