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Parents of adult children

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Uncommunicative son

3 replies

Tup7865 · 29/11/2020 16:07

Hi, I have 2 sons, 26 and 22, the 22 yr old was a happy child, very easy going, but at about the age of 13, he just stopped talking to me! I don't mean completely just moved from chatting and conversation to one word answers, its almost ten years now! He is like this with everyone inside the family, outside the family he is chatty and very friendly, he works in a restaurant and I have stood at the door watching, while he is behind the bar chatting away, over the years I have tried everything I can think of to find out why or get conversation out of him. Once I stopped speaking to him for a week, don't think he noticed. There was no trauma that I know off, I spoke to the school at the time, all fine there. Im telling this story as a. Has this happened to anyone else? and b. i am soooo over it, feel like telling him to move out, I guess lockdown hasn't helped, its just me and him in the house, grunts and yes and no, then his girlfriend arrives and they shut themselves in his bedroom all happy and chatty. Today it just seems to have really got me down.

OP posts:
OrigamiParrot · 29/11/2020 16:14

That must be really difficult. Sorry if it’s a stupid question, but have you raised it with him directly? As in, ‘I’ve noticed that you’re really chatty with other people, but you never speak to me, and that bothers me. Is there a reason for it?’

I get why you’re feeling over it - I wouldn’t appreciate a grown man living with me who couldn’t be respectful and friendly! Assume he’s happy for you to cook for him, wash his clothes etc?

Tup7865 · 29/11/2020 16:19

Yes he's more than happy for me to do his washing! I have approached it with him many times over the years, he’s not very responsive and just says I do talk, I haven't done it for a while though, Ive been thinking about it a lot today and realised I have totally normalised it, but its not normal! Thanks for replying that alone makes me feel slightly better

OP posts:
Singinginshower · 01/12/2020 21:50

OK, I would start by discussing that as an adult he needs to be washing his own clothes ,towels, bed linen.
You may want to extend that to shopping and cooking his own food, or at least sharing some of that responsibility.
Doing the above will a) help you feel less of a doormat b) may lead to conversation.... Mu....um how do I?....
c) prepare him for the outside world you will be launching him into

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