19 year old daughter rent

[Natcas82]

I’m a single mum of three girls 8. 11 & 19 (20 in jan) my oldest is such hard work no respect foul language temper tantrums all which affects me and my other children, she claims to have anxiety but it often seems like an excuse to behave horribly I avoid confrontation with her and tread on egg shells when she’s home, she works and during lock down her bf stayed too, she pays 25£ a week rent and is ment to buy her own food, but her and her bf eat all the chocolate crisps lunchbox fillers I buy and just generally help themselves I wouldn’t mind if they helped out tidied up or just seemed grateful sometimes I drive them everywhere to work train stations etc and do all my daughters washing which then gets chucked in corner of her room and I find back in the wash basket again, when ever I confront her she’s just horrid I’ve told her she needs to pay 50£ now a week rent is that reasonable? Also during lockdown her and her bf told my sister they were spending 75£ a day on weed!! I’m a wimp with my daughter because she causes such atmosphere for everyone and makes me feel so guilty (for working and never having money to take her on holidays/days out when she was young) I was only 18 when I had her and have been pretty much a single working mum all my life. I feel like I’ve failed her. And she uses the “anxiety” and mental health for her behaviour and I’m not sure how much more I can take because I fear my younger two will follow her behaviour. Any advice I’d be grateful and any ideas how much rent I should charge her she earns £1000-1300 a month and only out going is her mobile phone bill, take away and weed

Rent weed and adult daughter help!!!

I was earning £1000 a month and I paid £50 for each Friday in the month - sometimes it was £200 a month sometimes was £250 a month .....

If I didn't pay they would've kicked me out; now I'm paying £1250 just in rent and would love to go back to paying £200-£250 keep to my parents and having no other outgoings haha!

So no you're not being unreasonable

Of course you are not unreasonable to charge £50 pw.

You are doing yourself and your dc absolutely no favours, however, by babying her and treading on eggshells. So stop - just stop. And quit with the guilt - the parent who is absent is her dad, not you!

If she’s old enough to have a job and a boyfriend (and a weed habit) she is old enough to buy her own food, transport herself from A to B and wash her own clothes! Start by expecting that.Today. And if she doesn’t like it she can live elsewhere. I would give her one month to shape up or ship out.

She is behaving in a way which would be more normal for a 14year old.

If you don’t want your younger dc to follow her lead I suggest you start developing age-appropriate expectations. Time for some tough love.

I’d charge £100 per week, or £450 per month. Use half to cover your costs and put the other half into savings as a deposit for her first flat. Then in six months, she can move out to her own flat. There will be no excuse. I think it’s high time she moved out and lived on her own. She’s almost 20 and working full time.

My eldest DD is almost 22 and I charge her £200 per month rent but I buy all the food. I wouldn’t allow her bf to stay here and she does all her own washing. I think you need to talk to her, if she wants to be treated like an adult then she needs to behave like one. Good luck I know it’s easier said than done