My daughter and I were always close (I thought). She was very unhappy at school as a teenager but her exceptional ability in English got her accepted at Oxford. She didn't go at the last minute and then had a breakdown. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder although I'm unsure if that is correct. My husband and I separated around the same time and so for years it was me and my daughter. She tried different unis and mostly her anxiety, but also on one occasion, her choice of wrong course meant she didn't stay. She didn't work apart from to take photos for a music magazine which didn't pay her. After she split from her boyfriend of three years, she deteriorated badly. She insisted on controlling when her dad could come to the house saying that his presence caused her stress. I retired and I had worked out that I could afford to look after both of us so that she wouldn't have the stress and could Perdue creative interests as she had done (jobs hadn't worked out for her) she sorted out her benefits and unbeknown to me, found a flat as she didn't want to be around me. She realised after a week that the flat was in a really bad position and came home again. She then stopped her meds enlisting my support beforehand. I was then subjected to two years of hell where she assaulted me verbally and physically, locked me out for three months, repeatedly threw away all my food when I did regain access and stopped me from making any noise whatsoever. I accepted all of this because i felt I didn't have a choice, where would she go. She refused therapy and when I did get the police involved her father was furious. In the end, I met someone else and when she accused me of several things I hadn't done in front of him, I told her to leave (I thought she was going anywY as she was gradually covering her possessions with paint and disposing of them. She wasn't sectioned because she was perfectly fine when confronted with anyone in the mental health services. For two years I had no idea where she was and then she reappeared, homeless and still mentally unwell. She was housed by a project and after a couple of months a support worker managed to get her sectioned. She has been on meds for a year but had to leave her flat at the start of lockdown and ended up with her father as she and my partner do not like each other. As a result of this she won't talk to me. Her father's house is small and anyway, she regards this as her home. I can't stop feeling desperately guilty that I wouldn't have her here. When I'm not with my partner (who I love very much and who really helped me) I just feel heartbroken. I understand why she won't communicate with me but it hurts so much. I send her a text message every week and she never replies. People say I shouldn't have her back but I keep thinking they say this because they want to support me to my face but they must think I'm selfish for not letting her be here. I guess I just have to live with the guilt.