Daughter’s new boyfriend been violent and psychotic

[Thelaughingcow]

Hi, this is my first ever post so bear with me please.My dd turned 18 four days ago and we’ve had a lovely weekend with her new boyfriend staying over.They’ve been together a few weeks.He met the rest of my family today and everyone loves him.

To cut a long story short he had a psychotic episode at my house tonight where he got progressively worse(he was hearing voices) to the point where he held a pair of scissors upto my daughters face,sliding them up and down her cheeks with the pointed part.
She was naturally terrified and if it wasn’t for me hearing her sobbing I would never of known he was doing it.One minute he was fine and the next he suddenly said he was hearing this voice screaming in his head that she was conspiring against him by helping the police put a tracker in his head.

I managed to get her down the stairs and call the police.It turns out he’s been hospitalised in the past for psychosis and recently he’s been hearing this particular voice telling him what to do.Apparently this voice tells him sometimes to do bad stuff but he wouldn’t tell me exactly what he’s done in the past.He’s only 17 and lives in a care home so I have none of his family to talk to about this.

The police and the crisis team came out and after evaluating him they took him back to the care home.He’s been on the phone since begging my daughter to not break up with him and that he’s very sorry.She says she loves him.Apparently he’s going back on his old meds.She’s begging me to let him come round again in the future but I feel terrified of having him in the house as it’s only me and her and I feel he’s so unpredictable.It wasn’t until the police had gone that she admitted that yesterday he’d ripped up her bday card and smashed up her presents because he thought she’d been seeing someone else too.

I have had psychosis in the past and my brother is going through it right now so I have nothing against people with mental health problems but I really don’t want her around him right now.

Am I being unreasonable to ban him from the house?

Has anyone else had any experience with being in a relationship with someone with severe paranoia and possible schizophrenia?

My psychosis was mild and the way my brother is atm I can’t imagine him being able to maintain a relationship.

So sorry for the long post and if it’s in the wrong place.It’s 4am and I just can’t sleep and I’ve rambled on abit.

I’m so sorry that must have been very frightening
I would not be keen to have him back again but it sounds like it needs careful handling

Can you arrange for you and DD to see a professional who has some experience in this? Say to DD that it’s so far outside your experience and you want to make sure she is safe but you feel you need professional advice. Say you are willing to do what the professional says and get her to agree to do the same.
Best wishes

You’re so not being unreasonable for banning him from the house, but it will be very hard to ban your DD from seeing him (although I would want to do this). I have no real advice, just sympathy for you. A relationship like that isn’t what we hope for for any of our children.

he sounds like a powder keg, could go off at any moment.
of course you cannot have him in the house.
i don't know how, but try to make your daughter see sense.
ask her to close her eyes and imagine she is all grown up and boring, a bit like you, and she has a daughter who is her pride and joy, whom she loves above everything, would literally die for. how would she feel about the situation of that dear one being exposed to real danger.
good luck.

Thankyou so much for getting back so quickly.I think I will try tomorrow to see if I can get some professional advice from my brothers psychiatric nurse.I don’t know if anyone will talk to me about my dds boyfriend from his care home but I am going to try.Problem is I don’t want to make him angry as I don’t want him kicking off around at my house.(I’ve had to sleep at my mums tonight incase he comes back) I just wish she wasn’t so in love with him and you’re right,I cannot stop her from seeing him although I want to.I’m just so scared for what she’s getting herself into.Many thanks again for getting back at this hour x

Op you're absolutely not unreasonable to not want him in your home anymore.
It's not your duty to let anyone with such behavior in, regardless of if they can't help it due to MH issues. Your only duty is to keep your home a safe space for yourself and your DD. I would actively trying to disencourage your daughter from seeing him for obvious reasons but be careful not to alienate your daughter from you and let her know that whatever happens, she can come to you for advice and you wont be judging het. for you as this must be scary and awful.

I understand completely however if he’s not in your home then that means your daughter will be with him alone somewhere else.. with no protection.
I would have him in your home until you can hopefully convince daughter that this isn’t safe, she probably doesn’t actually love him, she’s not his saviour nor does she need to be and that this is not a try outs she should go down. I also would suspect drugs are part of it and therefor your daughter could be dragged into that too.. look out for that x

She has only been with him a few weeks and he's held a sharp implement to her face. She has no responsibility for him and he is clearly a danger to her. He might be the nicest person ever when well, but he is NOT well now. This is a new relationship and too much for a teenager to deal with. Encourage her to end things with him and support her to do this. Look at freedom programme on line together.