Violent DD18

[Elderado]

I’m really at a loss what to do about DD who is 18. Since the start of lockdown she has been violent towards me. Today she pulled my hair, punched my arm and kicked me and broke my specs. She then blamed me for driving her to it.
I’m really embarrassed to admit that my daughter hits me and I don’t have anyone I can ask about this. I’m a single mother.
If anyone can suggest something I should try, I’d be really grateful. Thank you.

That sounds terrible. Do you have other children? What triggers this behaviour from her? Is it out of the blue or due to arguments? What are the arguments about?

I would be telling her that if she ever hits me again I will call the police and she will be leaving the home. Physical abuse can't be tolerated.

Absolutely don't tolerate. Call the police and have her removed if she does it again. And make sure she understands that her behaviour will have consequences and that she is more than likely to end up homeless if you chuck her out.

Same as the others. I would operate a zero tolerance policy here and let her know that you will call the police if she ever gets physical with you. Tell her she is an adult now and that this is a crime. That "she drove me to it" isn't a defence in the law and that she cannot use this if she wants to carry on living at home.

(This does also of course imply that nobody else gets physical either so you will have to make sure you don't grab her or push her whatever the provocation).

We did have this conversation when ds was in his early teens and very unhappy and angry inside. He asked (not in a threatening way): "What would you do if I ever hit you?" And I replied "I wouldn't have any choice really, it is my job to keep this house a safe place where nobody gets hurt and that includes me; I'm not strong enough to hold you any longer so I would have to ring the police". He seemed to understand that and actually find it reassuring. But I would have stood by it. It was about keeping us both safe- me from getting hurt, him from consequences he might have to live with forever.

Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it.