Following on from the thread about being gutted your dc has split up with their partners how do you deal with things when you don’t like your dc partner.
Background is dd is 19 started mentioning she had been chatting with someone seemed very happy 3 weeks later after many hearing her cry at night I walked in on her self harming she described him as controlling and manipulative but said she could never leave him. I had seen and spoke to 2 of her very good long term friends who were also concerned. Tried to discuss it will her which resulted in her moving into my sisters for 3 months
Dsi tried to talk to her that this wasn’t normal and dd has now been diagnosed with depression and anxiety which I have suspected for a while and she is now on meds and having counselling dsi tried to limits dd going out time which I didn’t agree with and dd is now back home before she goes to university
Dd has told me everything with the boyfriend is now sorted it was just teething problems so although I am not happy he is 24 no job not studying can’t drive etc I decided he was important to her so better get to know him. I have invited him round for takeaways movie nights etc looked over his cv and highlighted potential jobs etc
Fast forward to last weekend we went to Blackpool and invited him. We ordered at a packed chippy I paid and when collecting things got chaotic the bloke servicing was talking to me every one else was talking I was trying to check the order so asked everyone to just wait a minute and be quiet didn’t raise my voice dd boyfriend was pushing past to put Salt and vinegar in a dinner to which I asked he to wait a moment as I didn’t think it was his he ignored me so i said no that’s ds yours it at the end please don’t put it on that one as ds doesn’t like it no raised voice
Queue he giving me dirty looks and frantically texting I presume his mum get out side to eat all the gravy curry sauce etc was missing and the queue to long to go back so to the whole family I apologised that things were missing but that’s why I wanted a minute with put being mithered
So we start walking and eating along the prom turn round to see dd and her boyfriend huddled together and he’s crying in the street I asked what was wrong and it was because of how I spoke to him ?? So I once again apologised explained nothing was aimed at him I didn’t use bad language or raise my voice etc
So we keep walking he keeps flashing me dirty looks me and dh try to make light of the situation to no avail dh at that point was ready to leave him in Blackpool so we go to the car to go through the lights
Total silence from ds dd and her boyfriend all in the back apart from him huffing and puffing occasionally me and dh still trying to diffuse the situation I offer to get donuts for us all and got blanked. Dh then says right we might as well go home then dd starts snivelling obviously upset
Not going to lie I was furious £40 in diesel £50 in chippy that nobody ate get home and out the car and dd breaks down she wants to die and is hysterical. Have spoke to her since and she completely agrees he was being ridiculous and was in the wrong I didn’t shout at him or have ago and he ruined it for everyone and he should apologise to us all but certainly to ds but after a few days of her talking to him not knowing whether to break up with him as when things are good they are great but awful when they argue it’s awful she can’t imagine life without him so feels she has to put up with the frequent bad times
So of course now they are back together I’ve said I will support her either way and always be there for her but deep down really don’t want them to be together and I am dreading the next time he comes round I will obviously be polite but struggle as my facial expressions don’t lie
So if you have read this far how do deal with not liking you adult children’s partner this is her first relationship and it’s only been 4 turbulent months