Namechanged for this as I don't want it linked to my posting history.
I'm looking for some insights and advice about whether dd's behaviour is typical for a 20 year old. She's been away at uni for a couple of years but came home when lockdown started, which I know must be difficult for her after having had some independence for nearly two years. Over time, she seems to want less and less to do with us and particularly me. She meets with lots of her friends outside home since the lockdown rules eased off, she has loads of face time chats with her friends every day or so and has a part-time job, so it's not as if she has no contact with anyone else. However, for at least a couple of months now, whenever she comes back home, she will say hello then go straight upstairs to her bedroom and shut the door. As far as I can tell she just lies on her bed texting her friends. She comes out for dinner which she eats with us but then as soon as she is finished she's off upstairs again. If I ask her to stay with us for a bit for a chat she says she's exhausted and wants to lie down. She does nothing around the house unless asked and then we have to remind her several times. Her room is a tip, clean and dirty clothes everywhere, plates and glasses on every surface, empty food packaging just dropped. The only time she is pleasant is if she needs us to take her somewhere or if there is a possibility we might spend some money on her. If I drive her somewhere there is no conversation, I ask her questions and try to talk about things but get short answers and she doesn't initiate any conversation herself. If we all go on a longer trip she sits in the back of the car with her headphones on which means she can't hear what we are saying and can't contribute to or initiate any conversations. Every conversation I do have with her there's eye-rolling, heavy sighing or she just cuts me off. DH has mentioned this to her but she denies it happens and nothing changes.
She does have mental-health problems for which she is taking tablets, but she says she feels fine and as mentioned above she has a wide circle of friends here and at university so I don't think the problems are getting worse. Generally she is fit and healthy, does a lot of drawing and painting, is interested in health and fashion and takes care of herself.
I alternate between feeling so sad at the state of our relationship and feeling angry that she is so contemptuous of me and has no appreciation of all the things dh & I do for her. Has anyone else experienced this and can anyone offer any advice as to how we can improve our relationship?