Sick of my lazy 21 year old

[Teesstar]

He is the eldest of my 4 boys. He comes and goes between here and his girlfriends at all hours, his room is minging, he does nothing to help around the house at all and just expects people to clean up after him.
He has quit uni to work part time in a bar and set up a photography business but spends his time either with his girlfriend, laying in his bed, playing football or Xbox if he is not at the new bar job.
He won’t help at home, won’t wash his own clothes, so they fester in a mountain in his room.
He text me after having gone off to his girlfriends at 3am this morning to wash his work clothes for tonight!

He pays £60 a month, but I rarely see it!
I am getting really sick of it now.
Last time I lost the plot he just gaslighted me and we had a blazing row. We then talked the next day but nothing has changed.

Any advice?

Erm- don't wash his bloody clothes for a start! He has a degree so one would imagine he has enough brain cells to press a few buttons on a washing machine?

I feel your pain. All I do is moan and am very resentful. He gives me more than that, but he's working full time so he bloody well should be!!

I'm a single parent too, so I've got no support whatsoever.

I'm sick of saying the same thing over and over

You need to sit him down and calmly explain the rules - that if he is going to continue to live in your house rent-free then he needs to start treating you with respect. Don’t wait until you go ape shit because he won’t listen.

Let him learn the consequences of his actions - I hope your response to his text about washing was “sorry no can do, you’ll have to come back and do it yourself”.

If you continue to pick up after him and let him get away with this behaviour, you’re doing him no favours - he needs to learn to be an adult, and he won’t if you keep enabling his childish behaviour.

If he refuses then tell him he’s got 6 months to find a house share.

I feel at 21 he is old enough to move out. He could get a room in a shared house. I wouldn't have got away with that at home.

As the eldest as well it might be good to put a marker down for the others!

Also - what do your other boys do around the house to contribute? Get them started ASAP on their fair share of (age appropriate) household chores - doing their washing, clearing up, hoovering etc. Could they club together and make dinner? Start off with once a week, then depending on ages they could do a night each?