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Desperate mum losing her son

3 replies

Brickhouse1 · 17/07/2020 10:53

Hi peeps
Looking for some advice on what to do.
Long story short.
My son and his girlfriend have been together for the last 10yrs with 2 lovely kids.
For the last 3yrs I have watched my sons life go down hill and we have finally come to blows over his girlfriend.
She has mental health issues which I know is serious but it’s like a get out clause for her to say and do as she likes.
She is very manipulative,possessive and violent at times.
They fight an he has come home on occasions with bruises and scratches.
He has lost yet another job his 4th to be exact from turning up late to work due to her dramas.
Things have finally come to a head this week as I told him some home truths and hurtful things were said on both sides ending up us not talking.
His life is not going to change while he is still with her and she is dragging him down.
I have helped him with his debts,given him money but have found out he has been stealing from shops for her and doing drugs.
Now as a mum I can’t bare to see this happening to him but feel I have lost him now we have argued.
He has changed so much I don’t recognise him anymore to be the lovely lad he was before he met her.
He doesn’t seem to care about his side of the family and says I am a bad mother and grandparent which is heart breaking as I do anything for him.
I feel I have just been used over the years giving him money all the time.
Should I just think ok he’s an adult he has to make his own life choices and let him get on with it?
Should I try and make it up to have contact him though I hate his girlfriend for what she has done?

Opinions would be gratefully received.

OP posts:
Grohnjant · 18/07/2020 17:20

Hi
Sorry this is happening to you . No real advice but just wanted to say I have been in a very similar position with my daughter .
Watched her life spiral downwards in exactly the way you describe after meeting her partner . She was late teens when she met him , so very young .

Like you we tried time and time again ,at her request, to help her ( financial, practical and emotional support)
Things never really changed and once the help had been given they would both turn really nasty towards us until the next time she needed something . It was having a detrimental effect on the rest of our family.

Eventually we had to accept that as an adult it was her choice to stay in the relationship and we had to step back. Hardest thing ever though .

I can see with hindsight that in her case she had her part to play in the way her life turned out it wasn’t solely her partner’s doing .

Might be worth posting on the relationships board . It’s a bit busier there and some great advice to be had.

Good luck Flowers

GreenTulips · 18/07/2020 17:35

He does have free choice though. He chooses to so drugs, he chooses to steal, I doubt she’s holding a gun to his head.

You shouldn’t have said those things. But you can’t I say them.

I’d let him be an adult and you stop recusing him. He has to hit rock bottom first.

julybaby32 · 14/08/2020 09:02

The problem with rock bottom is the 2 children he will be taking down with him. What age are they? How every lovely they are, (maybe especially because they are lovely) they will be being really badly hurt by this. What help can you give them/ get for them?

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