My ds is 19 back from uni, living with me. I’ve been a single mum since pregnancy and we have had a great time I’ve always put him first but earlier this year thought “ok, he’s at uni, he’s sorted I’m going to follow a dream and work abroad.” Obviously since then things have changed and it’s not the best year to have an adventure, but I’m still going (not much choice otherwise I’m unemployed) and flying in two months.
But since he’s been back he’s not a happy independent adult, he’s a mostly happy disorganised teen and can’t seem to get himself sorted or motivated. He’s trying to sort out housing but keeps sending the wrong forms or leaving things cause he can “do it tomorrow” and missing out. He’s supposed to be working but drifts to the Xbox, can’t wake up and we’ve become more like a mum n a lazy 15 yr old. He does not want to contribute to the house and I’ve said I’ll cover it he doesn’t have to but also didn’t want to pay back any loans I’ve subbed him over the year. Money is a bit Of a tense subject as I’ve said he either has to pay the bills here or I rent it out from September as I can’t afford to keep it going. I’ve said he’s welcome to come with me if he isn’t sorted and the uni doesn’t go back but he doesn’t want to even though I’all be living in a lively exciting city.
I just want advice, at the moment I veer from sympathy and “I’ll help you in whatever way don’t worry it’ll work out have fun be happy...” to tough love “you need to work, take responsibility and this is your future”
Whatever I’m doing I can’t get the balance right. Am I terrible for leaving him? He was such a positive confident young man and now he’s become a grumpy negative teen. What do I do?