My 21yr old doesn't eat

[drummingman]

My 21yr old male will only eat one meal a day which coukd be a takeaway.. Typically at 10pm or later, usually pizza or Chinese.. But gets up at 2pm..doesnt eat much, we have found he's eating Doritos and cola, he does have a hot chocolate some mornings then he sleeps in... And if he eats with us will drink a load of cola or milkshake and then pick at his food and say he's full and go back to his room...his stomach must have shrunk so much... He eats so little it seems but rather eat crisps.. Something is going on.. I don't know what.. Many thanks

Your 21 year old is eating lots.
Unfortunately it's lots of junk food.
But he is an adult, so it's his choice.

Where is he getting hold of so much junk food and drink? Assuming he doesn’t have a job if he’s sleeping all day?

He is 21. Many adults this age live independently so you wouldn’t know what he was eating!

You can encourage healthy eating habits, but you can’t force him and I wouldn’t worry about it. Perhaps invite him to eat dinner with you every night? Then he won’t be hungry at 10pm.

There is no reason for him to sleep until 2pm, but again if he was living out you wouldn’t know about this.

It sounds like he is living like a teenager which perhaps is the real issue. I suppose you could consider what you want here - whilst he is under your roof (unless he he paying full market rent) it is reasonable to have ground rules, such as getting up before 2pm and takeaway being a treat once a week as a family, etc

My 21 year old is exactly the same apart from the coke

My 22 year old partner is like this and it boils my blood! There's food in cupboards I even offer to make food.. but no.. barely eat and then order takeaway.. find it childish as hell.. maybe as I'm 25 and pregnant

sure if you turned the Wi-fi off he’d surface a lot earlier. Sounds like he needs some motivation and a kick up the arse. I wouldn’t tolerate it from a teen let alone an adult.

This is reassuring. My 19 and 21 year old barely eat apart from junk food and snacks

Similar experience here with 20 year old daughter. She’s been home with me from uni during lockdown and seems to to live on bagels and the odd banana. I make a meal in the evening which she eats but I hate to think what she consumes when she’s at uni. I worry about the lack of healthy food but she’s an adult and has to make her own choices.

But he is an adult, so it's his choice.

Comments like that don't help the OP. I don't know what he is to her - son? Partner? Other? But clearly she is worried about him.

Would you say the same if he was a heroin addict or an alcoholic?

Given the Op has posted in Parents of Adult Children I'd say it was a safe bet the person in question is the OP's son.

Oops. I missed that.

I really don't understand the "but they're an adult now" comments. I suspect that they come from parents with much younger children or parents who have never really had any concerms about their offspring. You don't stop worrying about your children, no matter how old they are. DD is nearly 20, and I still worry when she is unhappy or upset. It's only natural.

He is eating though.

Ginfordinner, my children are 20 and 23. I worry if they are genuinely unhappy or in serious trouble. Of course I do. But I don't keep tabs on their food intake, even though they are now both living at home. My ds (20) is at work and sometimes orders food in (always offers us some), not my job to keep tabs.

Yes, this junk food diet (junk food- not giving up eating altogether) is not healthy in the long run. And it could be a sign of depression. But in a young person, it doesn't have to be. I made some odd dietary choices as a young student and it was nothing to do with being depressed.

If the OPs ds is home from uni or furloughed during lockdown it may be difficult for him to find work or do any of the other independent things we expect adult children to do if they are to live under our roof. But this is bound to be a temporary situation.

Neither of my dc get up in the morning unless they are working or studying. Tbh if it wasn't for family reasons/business meetings, I would very much prefer to be active at night myself and sleep in the morning.

What you can demand and should, OP, is help with chores and that you don't have to finance more expensive food than what the family would normally be eating.