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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

Just given dd ultimatum regarding behaviour during lockdown

17 replies

Lemonsinthefridge · 22/04/2020 09:15

Basically I have told dd that she will have to move out if she doesn’t stop flouting the rules and continues to keeping seeing her bf and staying over at his house. She is mixing households, putting us at additional risk and thinks it’s perfectly acceptable because it makes her happy! The risk may be minimal in her eyes but she is basically just being selfish.
I am heartbroken to do this.

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 22/04/2020 09:35

Tell her that for the duration of lockdown she will need to stay at his if she doesn't want to stick to lockdown rules.

Cantdothis2020 · 22/04/2020 09:41

I could have written this exact same post myself OP. My dd is doing the same and I’ve asked her to make a choice of either living here and not going between the two houses or moving out. I think dd and her bf are being irresponsible and selfish and I alternate between being heartbroken and angry with them.
How old is she?

Original poster
Lemonsinthefridge · 22/04/2020 09:48

SeasonFinale that’s what I have told her. She’s 21.

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/04/2020 09:49

Would you have the BF live at yours with her? But no, YANBUFlowers

1990shopefulftm · 22/04/2020 09:53

At 21, I wouldn't ever had done such a thing to my family, perhaps she could stay with her BFs for the duration? But yes you were right to issue an ultimatum.

Original poster
Lemonsinthefridge · 22/04/2020 10:28

Our house isn’t really big enough and I doubt whether he would live here because he has his own place. Feels like I am pushing her out and I’m doubting myself and wondering if I’m overreacting.

OP posts:
lovinglavidaloca · 22/04/2020 10:29

She’s old enough to get it surely?! I was expecting you to say she was 17/18. YANBU.

Cantdothis2020 · 22/04/2020 10:43

Same here OP. I’m tying myself in knots trying to sort this out in my head. My dd is so love struck she can’t see anything but him.
You have my sympathy.

Mrsjayy · 22/04/2020 10:46

I think it is perfectly fine to say she has to live with her boyfriendOR you for the duration of lockdown but she needs to choose.

TeensArghhhh · 22/04/2020 11:38

You have my sympathy. Our house has been a battleground since lockdown began (well a week before). I’m on the shielded list. DD (19) was made aware of the rules of lockdown and that by flitting between BF’s house and home she would be putting my life at risk. It must be very hard to “be in love” and not be able to see your partner. However, the rules on social distancing are there to protect everyone.

My DD just thought about her own happiness and left - after another row - to live with her BF (and his family). It lasted less than a week. She is now home. I can’t say all is hunky dory because it isn’t, however, things have become calmer since she realised, for herself, that the grass isn’t always greener elsewhere.

I am sick of her selfish attitude and naivety.

Wishing you the best of luck OP.

Paddingtonthebear · 22/04/2020 11:43

I had a mortgage at that age OP. She is old enough to know better, I would give her the ultimatum. Is he still living with his parents aswell?

Original poster
Lemonsinthefridge · 22/04/2020 12:00

No he’s got his own place.

Thanks for the comments everyone. A decision has to be made one way or another.

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 23/04/2020 09:28

She can go and live with him then surely?

TimeForChange123 · 23/04/2020 09:48

Just remember that in a few weeks time things will have changed nationally but you'll have to try and rebuild a relationship with your child.

BackseatCookers · 23/04/2020 16:44

She is mixing households, putting us at additional risk and thinks it’s perfectly acceptable because it makes her happy!

Being able to be rich and not work, eat cheese all day and not put on weight, and be an international pop star with no talent would make me happy...

She needs to get real. The thing is, to comply she needs to either live with you for the duration of lockdown OR live with her boyfriend for the duration.

If the relationship is so important it's worth putting other people at risk, she should be able to move in with him. It's temporary so why isn't she doing it? Especially considering he has his own place!!!

Sounds like maybe she's more into it than him, otherwise he'd have asked her to move in?

BackseatCookers · 23/04/2020 16:46

Just remember that in a few weeks time things will have changed nationally but you'll have to try and rebuild a relationship with your child.

Come on, she's 21. If mum says look you either stay here or you move in with him until the end of lockdown, she should be able to make a sensible choice either way. It's not forever, you can't have the best of both worlds and think sod the consequences for everyone else. If it's not a big deal (as she seems to think) then she can make a choice and reassess when lockdown is over. It only needs to be something that permanently damages her and her mums relationship if she's an unreasonable brat about it!

Elieza · 23/04/2020 17:06

She needs to make up her mind.

I reckon she’ll chose his house

Make sure she’s got enough contraception before she moves to his. Or there will be more problems.....

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