My son who is 24 announced his wedding to his long term girlfriend in December. I was over the moon, he has been with the girl for many years and they bought a house together. (part buy/rent). When I divorced his mum in 2007 she moved away and my son and his older brother (28now) stayed. My daughter was born that year, she is 12 , has autism and homeschooled.
My son's future wife has come from a background of getting what she wants, private school, etc. In the last few years, we have had a few incidents, which has made me see my son in a different light.
The first is that when I was looking for a cheap runaround car for my partner, only for a few months. his future brother in law was selling his. car and this was mentioned, he would accept £300. We had not looked at it and were away for the weekend, then we got a message saying it was on my drive and could I sort the money out. We had not even seen it. When we got back, my partner saw the car and said it was ok for what we were paying. Apparently, when my sons' girlfriend heard this she went mad, calling us ungrateful and that they had done us a favor as we didn't have much disposable income.
My son phoned me and said she was upset and repeated what had been said, we had not even driven the car. He was very rude and blunt and said things like she thought of me as a second dad until this. I was upset.(she also nearly caused my partner issues at work)
whatever I said to my son he was off and rude. We drove the car and it was a deathtrap, steering locked as it drove, loose seats, battery, and brakes shot. I explained this to him and got such rude answers bordering on arrogance. I got the 'we did you a favour'
It smoothed eventually but felt is eggshell treading.
So, the wedding. When they announced it I was pleased, we said that we would help, etc and what were they doing for bridesmaids, testing the water for his sister. They hadn't sorted that yet.
We offered to pay for the photographer. The next thing I knew was they had picked a wedding venue with her parents, who had said they would help.
I was a little put out as I would have liked to see the place.
I met my future DIL with my 12-year-old, as we were shopping she was asking me about things to get her for the bridesmaid announcement.
When I asked my son he said she was not a bridesmaid, but a flower girl, because of her autism it would be better for her, which meant no dress fittings as promised. He also said he would get her wedding dress after all the others as she might slim down before then.
I got a phone call saying they had booked the photographer and paid the deposit, when could I put that deposit back as they had used the little savings for something else. I explained I was unable to straight away, but I would as promised. I ask what the cost was and who the photographer was, I got the not sure answer. I asked again and it was met with annoyance. But when could I put the money in???
My partner sold her house, made some money, which she has put away for a deposit on our forever home once my eldest has bought his own place in a few years. But it's hers...not mine
I was a bit annoyed. But the best part was a meal at the weekend, when I asked him to call his sister as she was feeling left out (With autism things get to her) he snapped he would and his girlfriend snapped, 'FFS we have only been engaged a month we have not sorted anything yet'. I was shocked because just before this they were talking about booking somewhere where her family could stay with them before and after the wedding. Also, the venue was booked, wedding dress fitting, registrar, photographer other bits sorted.
Apparently we were making our own way home.
We said our goodbyes, but my partner sensed that she had said something to my son. I called him and I got the cold and rude tone I had with the car business. I tried to talk to him and said I was not happy with how he spoke to me, he admitted to calling when he was snappy. When I said how upset I was he said 'I am sorry you feel that way, can we get on with our evening'.
I tried to deal with things on a Sunday and was greeted with rudeness and was told they would. discuss the wedding with us on the following Sunday. I was upset and tried to call and got cut off, kept getting the same message saying I was winding myself up and they would talk on Sunday. Even his girlfriend messaged to say that we can sit like adults then.
My partner is livid as she has noticed how he speaks to me and only want to know me when it is help or money. She thinks he has become stuck up and as her mum and dad pay for everything, he has the same expectations.
He has been rude about his sister many times, his brother and girlfriend and also rude to me. They are always inviting her parents to their house, and we have not been invited. The excuse is that they eat food with flavor, not bland food like I eat. At Christmas, they had them over Christmas eve and said they may not have time to pop in to see me and his sister Christmas morning.
I have tried to talk to him, but he is just so rude to me and telling me they will talk Sunday.
I feel like the child here, being told that I should behave better in what I say.
Am I wrong to feel that he has no respect for his sister's feelings or how I am treated? It seems if you say something to his girlfriend he takes on this arrogance.
To be honest, I am very angry, especially not being told things. My daughter was told she could go to the dress fitting which is now denied, but both mums and maid of honor are going. The mum that left them to move 800 miles away, despite me asking her not to because she will miss out.
I do think he has changed, not for the better. When I have suggested meeting him on his own, he refuses and says talk on Sunday.
My partner has said we should pay the photographer to a certain amount and that as they have no savings they should not be expecting other people to pay.
I feel I have to be the grateful father in fear of upsetting them and being told I can not go to the wedding. But so many people have said it is outrageous, that they know who bridesmaids are and that its obvious his sister does not fit the mold.
My other son is so chilled out, frustrated living at home, but he has the bottom floor to himself. My daughter is co-parented, she is however very well mannered.
I am a bit annoyed with people being two-faced. I know it is their wedding, but don't give your sister hope.
Anyone got any advice they could pass on please...sorry for the long post