Who is unreasonable here - when to stop paying for adult children?

[HoobaHooba]

DD is 23, has just graduated as a teacher but hasn’t got a job for September (not sure how hard she’s tried tbh).
She has a job which is a zero hours contract, but more than minimum wage - not office hours.
She works a f/t equivalent, but hours can vary from week to week (have been the same for a while though).
She earns more than I do (but not DH).

Lives in her student accommodation she’s had for a few years now (private rent) for which we’ve given her money throughout uni (not full amount as we have another DC at uni and one about to go).
DD seems to think because she hasn’t got a job in her chosen field we’ll still pay her money every month to cover rent/food etc. But she’s earning a f/t wage - more than me. We’d like to stop this money we give her.

Are we being unreasonable - when do you stop paying for your adult children? I could be going on for a long time as she isn’t pushing herself to get a job in her chosen field.

Advice please!

I don't think you should be concerned that you didn't warn her you wouldn't support her after graduation. You were only giving her money because she was at university, she's being incredibly entitled and rude to expect you to continue to support her.

No my dcs are younger than yours and I don't support them financially.

I also agree with posters saying she needs to be was fussy.
When she does get a teaching job she will be expected to reach any year group within the school.
Also if she works for an academy she should be prepared to be moved around schools, never mind year groups.

I would caution her about being so fussy: frankly, once she's not been teaching for a year or so, she's unlikely to ever be employed in her chosen field, and her degree will become obsolete. It sounds like she needs a bit of a reality check.

I agree- three months notice!

Is she earning enough to not qualify for any benefits?

If yes, then you definitely don't pay.

If no, she claims those, and you definitely don't pay.

Thanks all. I agree with you, she shouldn’t be so picky when it comes to jobs. This has been a bit of a bone of contention anyway.
We are going to give her notice we aren’t paying beyond the next two months so she’ll have to sort herself out.

I wouldn't ask for housekeeping money (I can see that's not an issue here) but I won't be able to afford to subsidise my DC after university. I saw with horror on some threads here that plenty of university accommodation is one and a half times my mortgage payment, so funding 2 DC through university is going to eat up most of the spare cash DH and I have for holidays and savings.

helping your DC with a treat now and again when you have the spare cash is very different to paying all her rent indefinitely. I'm sure you'd offer her a roof if she's too skint to pay her own rent.

23?!! Jesus...

When I went to uni, it came out if my maintenance grant and I had to live off that. Occasionally, my parents or grandparents would help me out but that's it.

You aren't supporting her OP. You are carrying her. She should be carrying herself now. At 23 she really should be living by herself, paying bills herself and learning the harsh lessons we all have to learn.

I think 2 months notice is a good plan. Time for her to grow up and join the adult world now.

It never stops...

She earns more than you and wants money for her rent and food?! That is incredibly entitled.
Not to be harsh, but I’m surprised you thought after uni she would go straight into employment. Even if she was less fussy, and tried hard it can be very hard for graduates. And depending on the area they can end up having to work for free for ages.

But I would definitely give notice.

She is acting very entitled and very spoiled she is taking the piss and you and her dad are allowing it, stop funding her she is grown woman!

I stopped paying as soon as she went to uni. I couldn't afford to support her. She is also now in her first teaching job but if she was unemployed I wouldn't pay her anything. She's an adult.

Not your job to support her anymore. If she can't find a job right now she can claim JSA (or whatever its called now) and housing benefit until she can. She does need to not be picky though; pretty much no one walks into their perfect dream job on graduating, the important thing is to work and get experience.

She is taking the piss, what an entitled madam, I would not be giving her 3 months notice. She needs to grow up and join the real world

Good lord. My parents were super supportive but at no point after leaving university did i expect them to support me. I started paying my own rent from the month i left, and wouldn't have expected anything else.

You've done enough, it's up to her to support herself. She has to learn. You wouldn't do her any favours continuing to pay her rent as she'd never learn to stand on her own two feet.

It doesn't matter if she's not in her ideal job, she has to earn enough to keep a roof over her own head until she does. And she will have to for the rest of her life. She can't expect mummy and daddy to pay her rent when things aren't going her way. What if she gets her ideal job and then loses it? Would you start paying her rent again?