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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Original poster

Empty Nest - will it be awful?

45 replies

Snog · 31/07/2019 14:09

My dd is off to Uni in September!

I'm not looking forward to being at home without her.....can you share the positives from your experience of this or give me any tips?

OP posts:

Pilchard200 · 08/09/2019 14:30

I too am terrified of when my daughter leaves for uni. I know I have to be strong for her and she is happy and confident to go. I literally can’t stop crying though and am counting the days with dread. I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to cope with her away from me and I’m so frightened for her safety in the big city of Sheffield. Can anyone make me feel better about this?

OOLA79 · 08/09/2019 15:24

Hi Pilchard,
I feel your pain. We look after our children for so many years, but they eventually have to leave the house. I try to remember how it was for me to get married and leave the house. It was not so bad. And now with this all technology we can stay in contact every day.
We live in a village near Inverness (North of Scotland) and our daughter is going to Glasgow. It's about 3.5h drive. I can only trust she will behave responsibly and settles in the big city.
I try to find positive aspects, like this is what she worked towards and we want to support her. She won't be very "far away". It could have been worse...what if she studied abroad?! I feel for those parents whose children move to a different country, if not different continent 😯
Next Sunday 15/09 is the day. She doesn't pack yet..which stresses me out too, but if there are things she forgets - it will be a life lesson too.
We have only one child, but still we have 2 dogs to look after. My husband is busy constantly but I will need to find some hobby for the evenings.
I try to be happy for her, try to look into future with her eyes. That somehow helps me.
Take care 🤗

Pilchard200 · 09/09/2019 21:37

Thanks so much for your positive comments it helps to know you are not alone as there is definitely a lack of support in this area. I do have an older (son) still at home for which I’m thankful but of course he is very independent as it should be. Hubby works nights so I’ll miss chatting with my daughter. I think the hardest part for me is worrying I won’t be there to protect her but I know we have to let go some time...lovely idea seeing the future through her eyes...I wish you luck with your journey xx

OOLA79 · 10/09/2019 07:18

🙂
It will not be easy at first, but we will manage 👋

Sparklingbrook · 10/09/2019 07:24

I sobbed for a whole day when DS1 left for Uni.
For about a month I had a heavy heart, and DS2 also had to adjust to being on his own.
Eventually you realise you aren’t thinking about them 24/7 and it gets easier but it’s a really weird feeling at first.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/09/2019 07:41

My DD goes next weekend. She’s very excited, she can’t wait for this next phase of her life but we’re all going to miss her terribly .... I imagine family dynamics change a lot when one moves out, even if it is only temporarily. Her twin sister will still be at home and I really think they have taken for granted the bond they have and under estimate how much they’ll miss each other having gone through nursery, school etc together.

I’ve got something in my eye

ssd · 10/09/2019 07:57

Ds1 did 3rd year abroad and returned home in June. I thought with him looking after himself for nearly a year he'd want to carry on at home.... NOOO... I've got double the washing and cooking again...
Both ds's are at uni this year, one first year, one last year. Both living at home, both have steady girlfriends who are here a lot, both wanting the car....

Enjoy the peace op. It doesn't last!

OOLA79 · 10/09/2019 09:39

ssd
😄 that's an interesting point of view.
I will keep that in mind

BigSandy...
yeah for some reason I have something in my eye quite frequently too 😉

SparklingBrook 👍☺

OOLA79 · 16/09/2019 12:49

First day without DD.
It's hard 😐
I sure hope she will settle in the student hall pretty fast... That may improve our moods.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 16/09/2019 13:29

Second day here. DH is finding it much harder than I am at the moment, which I'm surprised about. DD spent quite a lot of the summer travelling so I feel as though she's doing that again, it hasn't really sunk in yet.

I hope your DD settles in well - mine seems to be really enjoying it, her new flat mates are lovely and they all went out last night - it's a relief as she can be quite shy.

OOLA79 · 16/09/2019 18:37

It's my daughter's first time away from home (not counting few sleepovers at her cousins) and she is shy too. Does not want to talk or meet new ppl, yet. Not sure what part her boyfriend plays here. She went shopping today though 😉
She is strong minded and she will eventually admit she needs to mingle.

And my DH took it harder than me. But as soon as DD said she feels better, he felt better too. He kept reassuring himself yesterday evening.
Now he went for a nightshift... And I am left at home with dogs 😏

Parsley65 · 16/09/2019 21:56

My DS went back yesterday for his second year. Last year I felt like you and wondered how I'd cope.
This summer he has been home for 3 months. It's been lovely having him back, but I've actually been quite looking forward to him going! I never thought I'd say that 😗

OOLA79 · 17/09/2019 07:04

Thank you Parsley. I kind of know it will be different in a while.
DD will be more mature, have her own habits.
DD has a problem with strenth of the wifi signal on the PC, so we are going to see her again at the weekend (to replace something in her computer).
Ok, must focus on drinking coffee.....

OOLA79 · 19/09/2019 07:13

DD has new friends now. Which is good, as we were afraid she will spend most of the time alone in her bedroom.
But, yesterday she and her boyfriend booked her flights to Canada (where he lives/studies) for Christmas 😕
We met him last Christmas, when he came to us.
Big changes...

RuthW · 20/09/2019 21:56

I am a single parent with one dd. The first three weeks when she went to uni were the worst time of my life so far. After that the next four years were the best time of my life.

Mel7457 · 21/09/2019 00:37

DD went to Uni today, i’m so happy for her and she seemed so excited when we left her ... but to be honest I feel such a loss right now I can’t stop crying. I will just miss her so much, miss our daily chats and hugs and just having her home with us. Younger DD is still at home and she’s very upset her big sister has gone away. I know logically that she’s only couple of hours drive away, that she’s not gone forever etc etc. but just feeling bereft at the moment .

darkcloudsandrainstorms · 21/09/2019 00:43

I found it horrible. That leave and it is a full stop. You have to invent a new life but it us not as good as the old one. I missed all the activity and noise and their friends dropping round.

I mix primarily with people my own age and keep busy but it’s crap really.

OOLA79 · 23/09/2019 19:04

Hi,
So, the first week was...ok I guess. We phoned DD every day and messaged frequently.
She said she was crying when we left her...but then it was ok.
Today was the first day of classes and it was fine. DD doesn't have time to talk to us as is doing sone research 😶
I can't wait when my stomach is not tangled anymore.
One day at a time, that's my approach
👋

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2019 19:07

I remember the tangled stomach stuff so well.

I wanted to hear from him but only if he was ok IYKWIM. My heart would sink opening a text from him just in case it was bad news, pr he was having a wobble.

OOLA79 · 28/09/2019 09:35

Hi, DD is v.busy with some project, coming tests etc. She is in a good mood.
That makes things easier for us.

I hope you have a good weekend 👋

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