18 year old not moving house with us.

[TASPHI22]

Hi,
For many years we have wanted to move to Cornwall from kent- we have been given the opportunity it to go there now but our eldest daughter is staying behind in kent. We are really close, she says she is happy for us to go and that she was looking to move out anyway- she has a well paying reliable job, a long term boyfriend and has sonewhere to live(with a family member) if she doesn't get on living with her boyfriend. She has adhd and tourette's and a bp condition... when I asked her if she felt she had to move out she said " you always told me that I can do anything that other kids my age could growing up... they are now moving away going to uni, so I will be fine"... I have told her and asked her to move with us(hubby, me and 3 other daughters) and assured her she will always have a home with us but I still feel bad for moving away- I cry and feel so sad that my eldest will not be coming with us when we move on saturday, my heart hurts and I dont know how to deal with it but I know that moving is for the best... what do I do?

That must be so hard but you are both doing the right things for yourselves. It will get easier in time, but I understand why you are so upset.

I guess this is what happens when you move , right at the time when your children are at the stage of moving out themselves. Did you discuss this with her when you decided to move ? Your post makes it sound as if this has all happened very quickly. How do your other children feel about it - it seems like an unusual time to move the family when the children are all at secondary level. Good luck with the move - I'm sure DD will be fine, she seems to be very mature and sensible.

Is there any way you can delay for a year? Let her get moved out and settled and you can see her in her new adult life not needing you. Or (if it goes totally wrong) that you can plan from there?

Or is now the best time from the point of view of the other kids?