20 year old daughter getting too much.

[Mf99]

I really need some help. For the past 5 years there has been problem after problem. Trouble at school not staying in classes. Stealing from me , lying being extremely rude and disrespectful.

She lives in a terrible mess and dirt and can't see any wrong in her behaviour. I want her to move out. She is making me unwell. She is unemployed and making little effort to find work.

I would give her two options she either gets a job, pays rent and keeps things clean or she had to move out by x date and stick to it.

Do you live on your own with her ? Is she signing on sounds like she has some sort of behavioural problem that hasn't been addressed.

Yes I moved her out before and it went badly wrong. She wrecked the flat inviting people round , they stole from her and she ended up in a vulnerable position. But you are right. I think setting a time limit seems fair. Thankyou

Yes it's just us. I have often wondered about it. She seems to lack any moral or understanding that her behaviour is wrong. .I have taken her to the doctors and mental health service many times but she doesn't engage with them and it all ends..she is back at the doctors this week. I feel trapped by her. She is unpredictable with her behaviour and I'm now becoming angry with her when I was always so patient because I'm getting ill and worn down.

Have you explored the idea that she could be on the spectrum? From your description of her behaviour there are several red flags I would suggest.
Try love bombing her - take her out for a meal or a coffee or just a gentle walk and get her to tell you how she feels about herself. It's hard for you I know...but she needs support OP.

Hello thanks for your reply. Yes I think it's definitely a possibility her brother is.
I have suggested it to her before and maybe get a screening but she didn't want to go through it. Maybe we can try again.
Honestly we spend a lot of time together and I find the more time myself or anyone gives her the more she takes advantage of them and demands more and more. She has done it to family members and friends to the point they don't want to be around her. I also consider a personality disorder could be a possibility.