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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Original poster

10 year age gap

8 replies

gemandjule · 04/02/2019 08:40

I know this is none of my business but I'm curious to hear peoples opinions. This is very theoretical at the moment since I'm just starting to hear some details casually dropped into conversation so may all come to nothing
My DD is 20 and in second year in Uni. She's quite sensible and level headed but her confidence has taken a bit of a battering as a 2 year relationship ended a few months ago. It had been staggering on for about 6 months before he split with her and I think she really regretted not making the first move as he was blowing very hot and cold for those few months.
Anyway, she has now started mentioning a guy who is a year ahead of her in Uni. He's a mature student though and is 30. I know nothing about him really other than that he was in the police before he went back to Uni but I don't want her to get hurt again. Don't worry, I'm saying absolutely nothing to her so please don't accuse me of interfering but I would love to hear peoples views.
If he was settled with a house and job ironically I think I would be more concerned because I feel she would miss out on the chance to travel and have fun as a student if he was very tied down. The fact that he is also a student is in his favour!
Anyone have any thought? Really just turning this over in my head. As I say may all fizzle out into nothing.
I also think she would be better off to stay out of any relationship for a while but that really is interfering so once more biting my tongue

OP posts:

Ragwort · 04/02/2019 08:45

Firstly I agree that you must say nothing but yes, if it was my DD I would be concerned.

I had a series of very unsuitable relationships at University, older men were often very charismatic and appealing after being with someone your own age who could barely afford half a pint of lager all evening .

I would just be wary of my DS/DD getting too involved in any serious relationship at university, it’s a time for having fun and meeting lots of friends.

Of course there will be lots of mumsnetters coming on to say they successfully met and married an older student at uni ..... but I still think it is young.

woolduvet · 04/02/2019 08:49

In my head I'd be worried about why he hasn't got a house, has he saved all his money from working these last ten years, or has he gone through his wages happily.

Original poster

gemandjule · 04/02/2019 09:44

Sorry. At work. Will get back later. Interested ++ though so thanks for opinions

OP posts:

PhilomenaButterfly · 04/02/2019 09:46

It's a big age gap.

jessy2018 · 04/02/2019 09:58

To reassure you.. possibly?! I met my oh when I was 22 and he was 32 . We both went through uni together him as a mature student. We have now been married for 3 years together for 6 and expecting our first child! I agree that sometimes age gaps don't work but sometimes they just do !! X

Original poster

gemandjule · 04/02/2019 12:48

Interesting views. I’m not especially concerned at all if he doesn’t have a house in this circumstance as has been back in university since he was 27 and presumably was thinking of it before that so would have known he wouldn’t be able to afford a mortgage. Also would have been training for the police force and not earning enough for a mortgage for the first few years so can easily see how that would happen. As I say from my view point I’d be more concerned if he was settled and tied down with a mortgage and therefore not able to consider holidays with her etc as I feel that would be very restricting for her.
She was chatting about it to me this morning after I posted and is cautious herself and very aware that she wouldn’t get involved if he’s too serious as she’s way too young and wouldn’t want to string him along if he’s looking for a serious relationship too quickly.
I did hint that she would need to try and suss out to make sure there wasn’t an ex with kids in the background 😲😲. She really is way too young for that baggage

OP posts:

Peanut91 · 07/02/2019 13:11

Wouldnt bother me at all.

I met my OH when I wad 18 and he was 27. He was living at home still (in an annex). We are still together 10 years later, married,own our own home and have a baby.

Age is just a number

Peanut91 · 07/02/2019 13:14

Oh and my mum was worried at the time that I would rush into a serious relationship too soon. We didnt get engaged until we had been together for 6 years and got married after 7.

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