Why do you do everything for him op?
I thought being a parent was to help your DC grow up to be independent, responsible, respectful, kind and thoughtful young people with good social skills?
That healthy, caring and loving relationships involve give and take?
Why are you treating your 19 year old like a helpless toddler? If you treat him like a helpless toddler he will behave like one!
As soon as your child is out of nappies they learn to put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, yes?
That is at the same time they learn to clean their teeth and follow you around wanting to help you so you encourage them with little jobs like giving them a mop etc, yes?
This then turns into helping around the house as part of being a family team member: learning to make their own bed, vacuum, load/ empty dishwasher, yes?
Some DC also know how to turn on the washing machine and hang out laundry as it is all part of learning life skills isn't it?
It is all part of teaching DC responsibility and we know that we get a sense of achievement from the success of being given responsibilities.
Everyone knows how happy a child is when they can do things for themselves like ride a bike, do up their shoe laces etc.
It's the same for being able to do all life skills especially when given praise and encouragement: making a cup of tea for someone if someone is tired, or a simple meal from scratch, knowing how to drive a car etc etc
These are all important things one needs to know and learn to become a responsible, reliable, kind and thoughtful and successful young person with good self esteem.
When was the last time your son made you a cup of tea because he saw you were tired? Or offered to babysit?
If you constantly "baby" a person you are not giving them the chance to gain self confidence by being able to fend for
or do things for themselves or others.
If you are kind, expect kindness in return or you will gain no respect and people will take you for granted.
Healthy relationships involve give and take. What you have written is you giving, giving, giving and he is just take take take.
Your dynamic is dysfunctional and toxic.
You have not taught your son to be kind, thoughtful or responsible.
You need to go back to basics in a kind and caring way, not a punishing, angry way as it's not his fault you have allowed him to treat you as a servant or your house as a hotel. You have enabled that!
Don't cook for him, clean up for him or do his laundry but kindly but firmly teach him how.
Keep your sense of humour because his first attempts at cooking, doing the laundry etc may not be as high a standard as you could do yourself but don't ridicule him or discourage him.
One day he will fly the nest and may even live with a partner so make sure he knows how to pull his weight around the home ( and garden) ok?
Otherwise your legacy will be of having brought up a useless, misogynistic, lazy slob and you wouldn't want that would you?