So upset

[Timeforachange68]

Struggling with my relationship with my ds 20 - he's a uni student & has a room in a house but he's spending more time at home as his girlfriend is local. He only comes home when she is at work I'm under no illusion that he comes home to see us & this annoys me (rightly or wrongly)

We've had a massive row this afternoon & I admit I lost the plot a bit - he's had some disagreement with the girlfriend and although he wouldn't tell us what's gone on he's bought up how we make her feel uncomfortable & that when I asked her about her family when we met her I was rude! We've literally met her about 3 times and the most time we've spent together is half a hour so I can't see how we can have upset her so much. I'm so upset and I don't know how to move forward from this

Too late! I know you're probably right it's not the first time he's called me rude for making what I saw as conversation with her - but I can't change that now can I? Bit unfair to not be given a second chance & he's made it really awkward now because I don't feel like engaging with them at all

He's taking his first footsteps in to being an adult OP (which of course technically he is as he's above 18). I think you just need to respect his space. I'm 26 so not that much older and when I was at uni many of my peers only went home when they absolutely had to (ie at christmas) as the freedom and independence was much more appealing than being back home, especially if you're 'loosing the plot' with him when he is home. Of course he'd rather spend time with his girlfriend when he has the time to, at his age t would be weird if he'd prefer to spend time with his mum.
I think you need to majorly back off, if he needs you he'll come to you.

Thanks - I fully expected him to only come home for holidays, especially this year living in a house share & I was fully prepared for that. I think that's part of the problem to be honest - he's never away for longer than a few days!

I think the thing I'm most upset about is his girlfriend's opinion of us based on meeting us a couple of times - if this is the girl he sees his future with I don't want a strained relationship

Maybe I am over invested - he is my eldest & it's a learning curve for everyone - I've always been very close to my parents & I suppose I imagined we'd have a similar relationship

It's unlikely to the the person he turned the rest of his life with.
Give him space.
He will come back when he's ready.
Be cool op 😎