Asking your child to leave....

[redpassport]

My son is 25 and hardly a child anymore. He had jobs for 7 years or so working in bars. Hes educated but was adamant that this was the work for him. Last year he went to work abroad and things didnt work out. He moved back to the UK and lived with his dad for a couple of months. His dad asked him to leave and he came back to live with me. All seemed ok for a month, he got a job paying a good wage and then got sacked. He was paying a small amount of rent but this dried up when he lost his job. Hes done nothing to find work, sits in his room on his pc, does nothing in the house. He wont so much as put a cup in the dishwasher...and I mean literally nothing. He's arrogant, rude....if I was married to him I would have divorced him! I feel like I have a black cloud over me. I feel totally taken the P out of and I dont know what to do. He's jobless, no money and I cant afford to bail him out. I cant cope with confrontation and dont know what to do. I want him to leave.....I feel more and more resentful every day......

Tell him. As a dc you can sometimes forgot you're a grown up when you are back with your dp. And sometimes as a dp you treat your dc as if they are still children. So it's a bit of a vicious circle.

And then say if this, this, this and this doesn't change you'll have to move out and then kick him out.

As you say, he's 25. He's an adult. You have every right to ask him to leave, particularly as his attitude is so foul. Is it just you and him at home? There are books about having difficult conversations, if you need some pointers on how to approach this, admittedly, difficult topic.

Why do you think he keeps losing jobs and things 'not working out'. Is he using drugs? Does he have a problem with drinking? Or is he generally just arsey with everyone and has a bad attitude?

He thinks he's better than everyone else. When hes had a job its always the other workers are rubbish and he's the best. Hes like his dad in that respect. It's just me at home. When he left to go abroad I was so happy for him to be gone. Suddenly the world was a better place. To have my house back and be able to get it i order. His room looks like a s/hole again and all my hard work gone overnight. I have a very good job and even then he seems to want to belittle me in wanting to question me, question my knowledge etc....its horrible....His sister is 23 and has a job, baby and has just bought a house. He's likely to be quite jealous I suspect.

Would you ex-H help you to deal with this? After all, he kicked him out, leading to your DS landing back on your doorstep. Do you have any contact with your ex? You sound isolated and without much support.