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Original poster

Poppers

35 replies

Jultay · 27/12/2017 22:58

I'm posting here in desperation for some advice . My daughter is nearly 22 and about 6 months ago admitted she had used poppers on a night out drinking .... she drinks to excess when she goes out and gets paraletic drunk so much so I have to go and pick her up from town she can't function at all . We had a huge chat last time about poppers and their effects especially as my daughter takes anti depressants and propananol for anxiety .
Last night she went out with friends and I had a call from one of them saying she was drunk again and needed picking up . She could barely stand and was sick in her bed .... She has admitted tonight she sniffed poppers again .
I and my hubby don't know which way to turn ... nothing seems to sink in with her. My hubby said last time there is no way he is putting up with drug taking while she's under our roof.
Are we right to be concerned or are we being over dramatic over this .
Please help

OP posts:
Userplusnumbers · 27/12/2017 23:00

You're being overdramatic. I'd be more concerned about the excessive drinking than the occasional sniff of poppers.

Fishfingersandwichnocheese · 27/12/2017 23:01

I’d be far far more concerned about the alcohol.

I didn’t even realise anyone over 20 did poppers anymore. It’s not as though they are illegal.

Timeforabiscuit · 27/12/2017 23:03

Poppers arent a drug known to be habit forming or dangerous in that sense, they are pretty much your entry level drug which gives a very short lived high and also acts as a muscle relaxant - the alcohol would definately be the more dangerous tbh.

I dont know how the poppers would combine with your daughters other medications, and at 22 unless there are other issues shes free to make a complete pigs ear of things.

Is she working? Could she afford her own place? Perhaps spending more on rent would mean less spent partying?

Original poster
Jultay · 27/12/2017 23:05

Believe me I am very concerned about both ... it's like when she goes out which isn't all the time she just cannot stop drinking when she's had enough .... I'm concerned about the mixture of the two

OP posts:
Original poster
Jultay · 27/12/2017 23:06

She works full time

OP posts:
Fishfingersandwichnocheese · 27/12/2017 23:07

I don’t think poppers are anything to be concerned about. They aren’t illegal. They aren’t addictive. They give a momentary high. Side effects are minimal. You don’t get a come down like with ecstasy.

Fishfingersandwichnocheese · 27/12/2017 23:09

I always through they were shit quite frankly.

Timeforabiscuit · 27/12/2017 23:10

Well, shes 22, she cant expect you to be a free taxi and healthcare service when she gets into a state.

How would she react if you said she either cleans up her act or gets her own place? Perhaps give her a month or draw uo a trial contract that she either sticks to or makes arrangements to leave?

If things continue in this vein its going to wreck any relationship you have so something needs to change.

Original poster
Jultay · 27/12/2017 23:13

We've said that tbh as it is causing problems between me and hubby ... we just can't get her to see the risks in the excess alcohol especially as she is putting herself at risk not knowing what she's doing and being incapable of getting home safe ...

OP posts:
Fishfingersandwichnocheese · 27/12/2017 23:18

I think she does need to take more responsibility for her drinking. Not sure how’s best to move but I wouldn’t be giving her any sympathy the morning after for sure.

I’d probably charge her the going rate every time you have to act as a taxi service for a start.

Original poster
Jultay · 27/12/2017 23:22

It's like me and hubby darent go out for a drink when she's on a night out as we know we are more than likely to be called to fetch her as she is in a complete state .... her getting a taxi on her own in that state scares me to death as she is so vulnerable

OP posts:
Fishfingersandwichnocheese · 27/12/2017 23:27

Her friends will be sick of her too tbh.

I’ve been in a state many a time and never thought twice about a taxi but you are right it’s not ideal. I’m still a bit surprised that her friends aren’t taking her home in a taxi not you having to come out.

If you weren’t home what would happen ?

LovingLola · 27/12/2017 23:28

Alcohol is a depressant. Does she know that?

Original poster
Jultay · 27/12/2017 23:30

God only knows what would happen ... her friends don't live near us so would only put her in the taxi .
I dread her going out ...

OP posts:
MoorMummy · 27/12/2017 23:30

YANBU, she’s an adult and this is completely unacceptable. As you say it’s also terribly unsafe making yourself this vulnerable through drinking and/or drugs.
I’d be saying shape up or ship out.

My DS is 19 and there’s absolutely no way I’d tolerate this.

Original poster
Jultay · 27/12/2017 23:33

Sorry wots YANBU
I totally agree with you ... it is unacceptable behaviour but we are just sick and tired of talking to her and it not sinking in

OP posts:
Em308 · 27/12/2017 23:35

Don't poppers make your heart race? And propranolol slows the heart rate? Therefore taking the 2 together might not be the smartest thing to do??

MrsPestilence · 27/12/2017 23:35

She has really shit friends, they should be looking out for each other. They are not.

You need to charge her for taxi services, including clean up costs if she is sick. Every time she vomits in her bed, charge her for a new set of bedding.

Talk to her, to the point of nagging if necessary. She is an adult now and needs to become responsible for herself and show consideration to others. Lay down some house rules, she can move out if she can't follow them.

junebirthdaygirl · 27/12/2017 23:36

Your dd has a drink problem. I would be very worried. Contact a support group and ask for advice. Try to frighten her by telling her all the things that could have happened while she was drunk. If she refuses to acknowlege the problem and get help you will have to refuse her living at home although you will be sick with worry knowing she is drunk somewhere else. Get advise from a support group.

MrsPestilence · 27/12/2017 23:38

Drinking and anti-depressants really don't tend to go well together.

Fishfingersandwichnocheese · 27/12/2017 23:40

I wouldn’t charge for bedding, I’d just make damn sure she cleaning it up herself, soaked the sheets if need be and then washing everything as well.

Original poster
Jultay · 27/12/2017 23:40

I've told her she's gotta buy new sheets today which she has .
Like I say she doesn't go out regularly but when she does she's like a loose cannon .
She doesn't drink at home ... I do wonder if it's a confidence issue with her as alcohol gives her confidence and makes her feel good about herself

OP posts:
MoorMummy · 27/12/2017 23:42

You are not being unreasonable (YANBU).

I would sit her down and say , as an adult her lifestyle choices are her own but she’ll have to find somewhere else to live. I’ve just re read your post and shuddered as vomiting in bed brings with it the risk of choking on sick, on the v rare occasion my son has drunk too much, I would be up and down checking on him. It’s a big fear of mine, though DS isn’t a big drinker, he goes out more for the social side.

Mrs Pestilence, it’s not down to her friends to nursemaid her, they phone her parents so clearly are concerned, but why should their night outs be ruined ? A one off maybe but this sounds like a regular occurrence.

Original poster
Jultay · 27/12/2017 23:46

I agree on the friends issue ... we've told her she will lose friends as they will get sick of her

I can't stress enough how many times we have sat her down and gone through the risks and how vulnerable she is making herself
We've talked about alcohol and now the poppers but nothing seems to register ... I could literally scream

OP posts:
lashesandflashes · 27/12/2017 23:50

I think the drinking is linked to her anxiety. In a social situation she probably enjoys the lack of inhibition. Been there done that.

It’s poppers and alcohol now but if her boundaries are accepting of this then she will try other drugs if offered. Been there done that.

She needs to resolve the root of her anxiety. I’d book her into talking therapies like CBT. Something that will give her confidence without resorting to alcohol or drugs. Been there done that and so grateful to have made it through the other side. Good luck

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