When I was 2 my mum left my father in Spain because he was abusive and she fled to England to live with her mother my grandma. We lived in the top of the house and my grandma in the bottom quarters. When I was 4 my mum got a new partner and he wasn't keen on children at all. I was always told to got to my room not speak unless spoken too, I got smacked for crying at night because I was scared of the dark. So I spent all my time with my grandma as she wanted me around. Then when I was 9 my grandma died and my world fell apart. My mum decided she wanted to know me now and I was just not close to her at all. My mum then had another child a few years later I felt resentment toward this new baby as she was the golden child. I felt pushed out so I would go out with friends all the time never be home. I was being bullied in high school. My mum used to say horrible things to me like I'm too skinny and my ears stick out, so I grew up with no confidence, she would force feed me food because I was thin she said I was too skinny to be in a dress. I ever had any nice recollections of her tbh it was all horrible we never went out as a family. I just felt not part of it. My best friend dies and I run away from home I have no idea why I'm doing it I just didn't want to be with them anymore. I was threatened they would put me in a children home. My step dad drive me to airport once to send me back to spain as a punishment. Years passed and I am now 45 my step dad acknowledged to my son who is 15 that they weren't there for me a child, but my mum still continues to gaslight me telling me I was bad teenager child, she plays the victim if I mentioned any of it. I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue always suffered with anxiety, I'm just so sick of her lack of the responsibility to me having no confidence no self asteem, I'm either too skinny and now I'm too fat. Alway got on with the other traumas alone in my older years I was raped but never told my parents as they would of just told me to get on with it .