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Parenting

DD day 2 starting nursery and hating it

13 replies

Mamabear04 · 24/01/2023 13:03

DD just started her first full afternoon of nursery yesterday and it was a total disaster. she's just turn 3yo and only ever been looking after by myself, DH and DP. She had 2 settle in sessions last week that went pretty well. I stayed for the first one and the second one she stayed herself. After some tears she was happy on pick up.

Yesterday she had some tears when I left but the nursery said said settled and then 10 mins later had a bit of a wobble and then was fine. When I picked her up she was in bits, wouldn't eat, the nursery staff said she had even fallen asleep for 15 mins! Ontop of that on the way home in the car she said a boy had hit her! I called the nursery who said they will keep a close eye on her this afternoon and write up an incident report etc speak to the boys parents.

When she woke up today she was happy and her eye seemed better (she had a graze and has avoided a black eye) but come an hour before we had to leave was crying and saying she didn't want to go. Finally DH got her in the car but she won't stop crying and I am in bits on the inside too. DH will drop her off and I said I'd pick her up and she can have her dinner at home today. This is soooo horrible. HH please!!! I feel so awful for her and hate not being able to make it better or physically be there to support her. I hate the thought of her being scared and unhappy!!!

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Mamabear04 · 24/01/2023 13:04

Title should read "hating it" instead of "having it"

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LivMumsnet · 24/01/2023 13:06

We've edited your title now as requested, @Mamabear04 - hope that helps.

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wimbler · 24/01/2023 13:10

The older they get the more aware they are about a change in environment and also the more they understand what is happening. It takes a period of time for children to adapt. I have yet to hear of a child who didn't cry at dropoff (& often pickup too) when first starting nursery. 2 days is a very short time and I would suggest giving it a bit more time. It's ok to feel sad about it, but in most cases they do settle in. Both of mine skip off to nursery every morning and get glowing reports but both hated me leaving them at the start. The nursery staff are usually really good in distracting them and they are really used to it.

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Mamabear04 · 24/01/2023 13:12

@wimbler thanks so much for this. How long did it take for your LOs to settle at nursery? I think I would have felt better if she was happy when I picked her up yesterday but she was an absolute state and so upset!

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Mamabear04 · 24/01/2023 13:12

@LivMumsnet thank you!

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20viona · 24/01/2023 13:14

Give it more time I'm sure she will settle. She will be going school next year so it's best to continue with the nursery to get her used to other people.

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Eatentoomanyroses · 24/01/2023 13:14

Dd used to cry at drop off in the beginning. I used to sit in the office of the nursery crying myself before I went to work. She’ll get used to it. My dd loved it in the end. It’s nice for them to socialise

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VivaVivaa · 24/01/2023 13:14

Sorry you are going through this OP. It’s really hard settling older kids into nursery. DS has been going since he was a baby but I know some of his wee friends that started as older toddlers really struggled. They are far more aware of what’s going on and have strong, vocal preferences for how they want things to happen.

I agree with PP that you need to give it some more time. As a thought though, does she have to do afternoons? I think PM sessions are more tricky and mean the morning is rather lost in the build up to nursery. If they are doing half days, it’s a lot easier for them to go in the morning then have a chilled afternoon at home.

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wimbler · 24/01/2023 13:24

Mamabear04 · 24/01/2023 13:12

It took them a good few weeks and even now my youngest who has been there for 5 months still has the occasional wobble. My nursery have an app which they update with what they've eaten, when they've napped and photos of what they are doing which helps too as I know he's ok and having a good time. Agree that mornings might be better than afternoons but either way, she will settle eventually

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Mamabear04 · 24/01/2023 13:33

The nursery only has afternoons available. Maybe I could speak to them and ask to switch her to mornings when a slot becomes available.

DH still not back from dropping her off and I'm stressing out if she's ok!!!

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lavenderfine · 24/01/2023 17:20

They take a while to settle. DS started nursery at 2.5, first couple of weeks were really horrible! I would ring DH on the way back from drop of crying my eyes out because he'd sobbed and screamed for me, he settled after a couple of weeks but still had wobbles for months afterwards!
Best thing to do when dropping them off is say 'bye bye darling, mummy will be back to pick you up after I've been to work/the shops/whatever' and just walk away! DS changed nursery to a preschool at 3.5 and he cried the first day, then never again, no he runs in and doesn't look back to say bye😂

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tonyhawks23 · 24/01/2023 17:38

Can you do more settling in sessions with her?I've always done slowly slowly and none of mine ever cried they've always loved it as trust the teachers and know the environment and routine before I disappear. May be worth taking it back a level to settling in time,you stay in the cor no er doing the 'paperwork' for a few more sessions.

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Mamabear04 · 25/01/2023 07:47

@tonyhawks23 I'd love to stay with her for more sessions bit I have a 6mo as well so it's not really possible with afternoon naps etc. I'll try staying for a little while when I take her today and see if that helps. Not dreading it as much today but I'm sure I'll feel differently come lunch time. DH had to stay with her for an hour when they arrived because she was inconsolable. Apparently she just wanted to be by herself and so the nursery worker gave her some paw patrol songs to listen to and she sat in he hall where it was a bit quieter before they managed to coax her into a quiet room and then when I picked her up she was crying again. Will try an earlier pick up today and see if that helps....goodness my heart is finding it hard to take!