I dislike being a mum, often hate it

[onwardsmummy]

I am in my early 30s and expected to love being a parent but I could not have been more wrong... I'm quite disappointed in myself, really, I have very little patience with him after a while. It sounds melodramatic but I feel completely enslaved, this is partly because he is very very challenging, and is either only wanting to be held, or pushing me away and screaming. It goes without saying that I miss my independence hugely....

Its worse since I gave up breastfeeding, went back to work and put him into part-time childcare, though frankly I could not have coped a moment longer being a SAHM. I like my job, its a good break. He is 14 mo.

I just can't wait till he's older and can fend for himself a bit more. He can be so lovely, too but the bad pretty much outweighs the good... I don't think there is anything physically wrong with him to make him so irritable, he seems very healthy he just seems quite miserable a lot of the time, which makes me feel terrible.

I feel quite imprisoned in that I just want to get away, or get one with my own things. I am snappy with my son sometimes and that surprises and upsets him; its just that entertaining every single second is so exhausting.

I worry about the future as well. Its selfish I know. I just don't know how I'm going to endure the next X number of years whilst he grows up. By which time I may be disillusioned, living on anti-depressants and feel resentful and bitter.

How can I get out of this rut? I am driving myself crazy because there seems to be no solution...

Do not despair. My son was exactly like this. Miserable all the time for no particular reason. He got so much better after 2. He's now 6 and I can honestly say that he is perfectly lovely in every way. Really happy and cheerful. I get compliments on him all the time.

It's all swings and roundabouts really. It will get better.

onwardsmummy - I know that this post will cause a sharp in take of breath for some people but one of the problems you may be facing is that your DS is only part time with a childminder.

I know there are economic issues but really I strongly think you should think about putting DS with the childminder or nursery full time.

I say this for two reasons:

1. You can work full time and enjoy your DS more when you are with him and enjoy your career too. Being SAHM is just a job and a very hard one that some people are not fullfilled by even though they love their children dearly.

1. Your DS may well settle more and be happier if he has a standard daily routine.

Our DSs both went to full time nursery at 12 months and they were much more settled and happy than children who went half day or occassional day. Children are happier with routine. Your DS may be happier if he knows he is at the childminder every day. He may just be playing up because he is unsettled by the consant change in routine.

I know some people will say why bother having children if you want to 'farm them out' but for us we work at home and are with our children 100% of the time when they are not at nursery/school. Me and DW have in the last 10 years been out together away from home for just 3 days. Our DSs are happy confident (age 8 and 10) boys. They still spend a lot of time out of home doing activities, school,clubs but the key for them is that we are always there for them if the need us. Mummy and addy are here when they go to bed and when they wake up. They have certainty in life.

We have some friends who have a nanny as the DH works at home and the DW works away sometimes. The DS is a very confident happy boy because he knows he has a stable routine and is surorunded by people who love him.

I know there is a huge amount of guilt with this issue but if it is done right then childcare/nursery can be a very positive outcome for parent and child.

You have had some fantastic ideas here (I second surestart/library there are actually tons of things to do out there that are free) have you tried NCT? You DONT have to be a member to go to their events and they have coffee mornings and arrange activites in the park etc, mostly free.

Also in regards to craft stuff, personally I ignore the 3 yr old warning on it and just make sure he doesn't eat very much of it.